This week's goals:

1. Love the girl

2. Have current website contract ready for testing by Tuesday morning

3. Practice Deftones set-list daily for this Sunday's try out for Deftones tribute band

4. Write witty lyrics for this Saturday's try out for metal band

5. Clean clothes

6. Love the girl

7. Finish flyer/business card contract

8. Love the girl again


My life hasn't slowed at all. Not that I thought it would with the reorganization of career and hobbies but, I am a firm believer that the whole world is in waay too big of a hurry. That is one thing I wish I didn't have to be a part of. Yet greater is the desire to meet my goals head on. To do something great or at least memorable. So I try to release my pent up frustration and anxiety about it when I get behind the mic. It works very well if even as a mere pressure release. So singing more is clearly part therapy for me but I think it also allows me to harness the energy required to make such a thing believable to an audience. Summoning...

And yeah, I know that doing work with a cover band isn't exactly memorable. One friend said to me, "No! A cover band!?" Well, as much as I do see her point, "original" is a concept that will hold more importance to me once I have more experience. Some kind of proof that I can backup my claim to being able to howl like I mean it. A familiarity with the stage. Even being recorded.

These are my driving force this week. Especially the love the girl part. I seem to need a lot of one on one time with her lately. I really appreciate that she has been patient with me and I'm looking forward to giving her a big snuggle when I get home.

Shit is Starting to Happen (13 days remain Part III)

When I downloaded the files from the band's (we'll call them ABO) myspace just shy of three weeks ago, I had to let it sit for a while. Let the music stew in my head to allow my interpretation to surface and form into lyrics and melody. I walked around with the first track coursing through my brain from my ipod for a week. Nothing. Hrm. "Well..." I thought, "maybe it'll be like my very first song with that other band." That other band was the second of the three so far. We'll call them 4 guys in Whitby. When 4 guys in Whitby sent me their song, it was on a Friday night and I had to have at least SOMEthing prepared for that Sunday afternoon. It wasn't until Sunday morning that I began to jot furiously in my notebook while humming notes into the shitty microphone in my computer. It gelled pretty quickly and went over well at the audition later that day. As far as first songs go, I thought it was alright but I found the band's ability to play much more loose and not especially my style. It was evident that they only play for fun once a week. Not for me...

The point is that the first time around, the song came easy. This second attempt was proving to be much more of a bitch. The second of my two available weeks to get this new one together had come to a close and I had a basic idea but still nothing concrete. I left work early the day before yesterday to go back into my closet and not come out until I had a solid start to finish song, shitty or not. Funny because all the while, another of ABO's songs was running through my head while I was putting the finishing touches on the one they gave me. I wrote the chorus down and it drilled its way into my memory over the next day and by the time I finished work yesterday, I had a song and a half ready when I was only asked to prepare for one.

The downside for me at that time is that though I was pleased with myself for meeting the deadline, I must confess that I hated both the lyrics and the melody that I had come up with for "Hardly Wait" (first song). I completed it and was embarrassed. I expressed this at great length to Mightydoll patient as she was. She told me not to sweat it, that it probably wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be and to just ride out the audition with it. Damn. Her support continues to move me. I heeded her advice and made it to the audition with the thought that, "Well, at least I finished it and at least I got a solid chorus that I really like for the extra song." True I wasn't too confident about it but it was to late to let that show in my face or especially my voice.

ABO seems pretty serious about their project. They rehearse 4-6 times per week and have a lot of great ideas other than the ones I worked with. They rent out a large practice room from a warehouse that has been dissected to gear itself to this exact purpose. Dozens of bands are in this one building. I've never been in a place like this before. Upon walking in, its nothing but hallways and doors with numbers. Yet, like walking backstage at some arena. Tight corridors and many band's loud noise filling the space.

I found the right door and the room was empty so I had to wait a few minutes for some of the guys show up. It only took a few minutes until I was met and invited into the room. The drummer and guitarist asked a slew of questions and chatted with me as we chilled on their couch. As I answered the same questions that two other bands had asked me, "what's your musical background, can you play an instrument, who inspires you" and all that, I looked around this fabulous room. On the walls hung posters from concerts, about a half dozen guitars and a huge dry erase board with a slew of notes. Everything from press kit costs, CD pressing costs, merchandise ideas to things as simple as finding a singer and a bassist.

During this conversation, the drummer was pleased to find that I had prepared for this. As he read what I wrote, he mentioned that it drove him crazy to place ads for weeks saying, "take our songs and make them your own. Write lyrics and melody" and then people come in and say, "Yeah, I'm just gonna wing it."

So, right about the time the second guitarist finally arrived, so did the next applicant. As I greeted the second guitarist, I overheard the next applicant say to the drummer, "I forgot my lyrics that I prepared so I'm just gonna wing it."

*snicker*

Well, if nothing else, I get points over that guy. Next applicant parked his ass on the couch during my set after I told the band that he didn't have to wait in the hall.

So it began. They started with the one I had completed and I was more than surprised to learn that I was indeed on the right track! It sounded completely justified (and vastly different) from the crappy recordings I made in my closet. We ran through that number a couple times and it was decent. What really made me feel good was the second song. The chorus running through my head the last few days was a really nice fit.

I was told by the band that I have a killer voice, that they were very pleased with the preparation I had done and I will definitely be called back for a second audition after they have had time to see the other applicants.

I left that building in a daze of exhaustion and bliss.

and then went straight to the jam night at my local pub to sing my ass off all over again.

thanks for reading.
love,
HH

Updates, Impatience and the Stunning High of Singing Live

First off, Happy HNT. The blue hair was fun but it fades so quickly. I think next time I'll try another brand of dye. After a week of not refreshing the colour, it had become kind of a moldy green. Initially when I bleached it off, it did exactly what I had hoped which was to be blonde as phuck with neat highlights of green. That too has faded and now its looks like this:



Many things have been progressing in these dreamy endeavors since I last wrote.

Despite a financial crisis as of late, I have been reorganizing priorities and goals. Keeping my heart set on where I want to be. Repairing the classical guitar as I had meant to do, has been put aside for a while. I have replaced this goal with practicing guitar regardless of stupid frets. It has become at least a 30 minute per day activity. Clear tones are still difficult to make but my muscle memory to hit chord changes in time is getting far better. Calluses have begun to develop on the tips of my fingers which really helps with the soreness after practice. With playing around with different chord shapes around the fret board, I have been finding chords I didn't think I knew and in some cases, even recognizing the names thanks to my continued study of music theory while on the public transit system.

Here's a part I am really excited about. With playing simple chord changes without trying to mimic a song, I have found a chord progression that I do not recognize. It has become my first song. It is early stages 100% and certainly not finished but it has begun and it is from my mind and fingers. Now. Every song is ten other songs for sure. I'm not breaking musical ground here. It may be that when someone hears it, they will instantly be reminded of a similar song. So be it. That happens all the time... Unless you're Efrim Menuck. And seriously, if you have time for the second half of this song, by all means, indulge. I'd take the beating of my life to be allowed to sing for this man. I may have linked these before but I don't recall... Anyway, I'm sure you get the tremendous influence that he and his cohorts have impressed upon me.

So, practicing guitar is going well. Also with Jam Nights! The last two jam nights at the Unicorn, just steps away from my house, have been stellar! Two weeks ago, the guitarist, says to me, "Here's my number. Give me a call-- NO! Harass me and tell me what songs you want to do that coming Wednesday." *blink blink* Sweet :D They like me enough that they look forward to playing songs outside their regular set. So I called just a couple days before the Jam that happened a week ago and let him know that I'd really like to do Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains, Sober by Tool and Somebody Told Me by The Killers.

That Wednesday came and during their first set (first of three), normally reserved for just them on stage, they asked for requests to which I shouted, "SUCK MY KISS!" (Chili Peppers for you non rock lovers out there). The bassist looks at me and touches his throat and says, "I can play it but aahh! my voice is a little twitchy today. Do you know the words?" *pff* "You betcha." *internally thinking, "is the pope catholic"* "Well come on up and show us then." *Hubris glee ensues* He adds, "Alright everyone, this is a little out of our normal rotation but y'all gotta hear this guy." I blush as I unwrap the mic from the stand. I missed only the beginning of the second verse but the rest went flawlessly and the growing crowd approved loudly at the end. Immediately following this the guitarist says, "Well as long as we got you here is there something you'd like us to play?" "Down in a Hole, thanks." This one went much better. I love hitting notes like that. Vocal sex.

Following that song, they asked me to do two others that I had either never sang before or at least hadn't sang since I was 17 years old. Black Hole Sun and... fuck what was the other... Ah. Alive by Pearl Jam. Although it was evident that it was my first time singing those last two live, they were still well received by the crowd and the band was delighted that I could complete what they wanted to do.

So last night we covered Sober - Tool, Somebody Told Me - Killers, Down in a Hole - AIC and Black - Pearl Jam. The latter two of the four went very well. Sober, which I really wanted to nail, didn't bomb but didn't connect either. I was so psyched that I actually got to do it that I went from the first verse straight into the chorus skipping the shit out of the bridge. Ah, well. That said, the remainder of the song went the way it should have. Next time Gadget. Next Time.

It really doesn't help that the attractive wait staff and I share similar musical tastes ;) More than this, I love it. Intensely. I love it even more when others love it with me. At the last three jam nights I have attended, I have been asked by different strangers if I am currently singing for a band. So far, I can only reply that no, I am not. I listen for those key parts of conversation that allow for networking and name spreading so that I can rectify that. I also peruse craigslist frequently to see what people are looking for and if it suits what I want to do.

I'm still waiting to hear from the band that I visited a month ago. The interview went well as did the small examples I gave of my singing as the guitarist played his material. I ask if he wants to meet for drinks sometime and quietly slip in the fact that I am waiting to hear back from him and that I am still very interested. This of a sort that isn't over the top. I think once per two weeks is enough to get the point across without annoying the shit out of him. I keep in contact with him because he seems like a straight up kinda guy. I expect that he would tell me if I wasn't in the running because that is exactly what he said he'd do before we even met. It stands that I believe I have a great shot so far for the same reasons - he was impressed and told me so adding that if he wasn't he'd have the balls to say so to my face - but I must admit that I am growing a little impatient. He certainly has as busy a schedule as all of us and he wants to visit all options before making a decision. Fair enough. However, I originally thought that I should let this opportunity pan out before continuing the search for a band. I am beginning to think otherwise. The more folks who hear my singing, the more I realize I'm not starting from the bottom. I have stage presence, excellent pitch and control. And I cannot wait to practice with an original act and play a real show.

Jam Nights

The jam nights at my local watering hole is becoming a great wad of fun for all things rock singer. The first time was about a month ago. It was sheer bliss. I picked three songs they knew and poof. I was singing for a live band before a very small audience. Mad props ensue from the band, the bar employees and other patrons. *nut*

So I go back last week. MD and her mum joined me for this excursion and I was totally buzzing and vibrating from the excitement. I got there at 9:30 sharp, the usual start time. I picked a seat close to the front. I spoke to the band about what they could play that night and let them clearly know that I was pumped and looking forward to doing this again. They spend the first hour, as they normally do, playing their own set. Their first break begins and I'm even more buzzy. Soon :D

Second set begins and they call up some of the fantastic musicians and singers from their friend's birthday party happening on one side of the bar. Damn, this one chick had a set of pipes perfect for a stunning Janis Joplin tune. After an hour, the second set ends and the band takes another break. bzzzzzz. Very soon :D

It was damn near the middle of the third set that I began to grow impatient. After all, MD & her mum are now tired enough to want to go home. They considered doing so and catching up with me there but they stayed. By then I was quite pissed because they have now brought every fucking person in the bar to arrive after me on stage to jam. I had been waiting for three and a half hours right in front of them for a turn at the mic. Nothing. Clearly, getting there first and immediately talking to the band is not enough to get them to realize that I was even there. I was furious. Right about the time I see the drummer disassembling his kit, I take it upon myself to go up there and ask the bassist, "Next week I guess!?" He looked surprised and replied, "Oh shit!! We didn't get you up here!?" Me, "No. No you didn't"
He then spewed forth with apologies and how embarrassings and surely next week and we shook hands and said goodnight. I was still very crushed and pissed but I gave them the benefit of doubt and slept it off. MD was so kind and patient to me. Consolling and supportive.

Then, just last Wednesday, I return to the jam night determined to get my ass up there to be seen and heard. I still encountered a hefty wait time but it was all better for sure. I sang Rooster by Alice in Chains and that went okay for the most part. The thing that really got me off was finding out that they knew Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine. They played it very well and for that, I fucking nailed it. Not a beat missed. Weird too because I had not performed that song since I was 16 years old standing in as singer for Sonus Ex Machina's band in his parents garage on his birthday. For all this, the manager of the bar gives me a hug and cheers! Many patrons of that bar as well as the band were loudly giving their approval and the waitress I had that night said, "That was fucking awesome! You rocked out with your cock out!" and then proceeded to buy us each a shot for us to slam together.

It seems I do have what it takes. I cannot tell you how incredible it feels to do this. I'm really looking forward to finding a band.

The First Tryout

It was really lucky that I got his message and showed up early. By the time I would have arrived after a full day of work, his girlfriend had come home with a nauseous tummy and needed quiet. Fortunately, we had finished by then. I felt pretty confident that I delivered comfortably and acted myself. We basically chit chatted about music and about what they're looking for. He said that I sounded like Maynard on Parabola and like Jack White on Seven Nation Army and they sounded really good. Before playing me a few of his tracks, he said he wanted me to sing for him in the way that I sound like. Without influence. I'm pretty sure I pulled that off :D He said that I am very good and recognizes that despite no formal training, I can stay in key without a problem. He further added that he has no problem being blunt and if he didn't think I might fit, he'd have ended the visit much sooner. I'm 1 of 10 who contacted them and the first of 5 that they wish to see. Either way, he'll let me know wether I am invited back for a practice.

Experienced Veteran Equipped with Arrogance

Obstacles with breaking into the music industry are without number. A no-brainer thought to come across I'm sure, but discouraging none the less.

First, I know I'm an amateur. Truly and completely. I have never written a song. I have never played a gig. What I know is that I do have an untrained voice with talent and potential. As soon as I learn how to breathe without going hoarse in as little as three songs, my voice will be stage ready. What I also know is that despite an entire lack of experience, I have a decent stage presence. My nervousness is waning. I don't get up there and recite a song, standing still, emotionless, with a mic in my face like I'm giving an oral presentation on complex math equations. I let the music move my body, even throw it, as I give it all I have. Full pipes and full emotion. I don't care if its karaoke or a jam night in a shitty bar. I want the people there to stop their conversations, stop sipping their drinks and notice me if even for only a few seconds. I know I can do this because I've seen it before. It has been relayed to me by friends who are there watching. Best of all, strangers tell me. Not many, but enough to know I'm not crazy. One guy I met at the bar has played gigs before and he was very surprised to learn that I have not done so myself.

Second, I don't have a budget to get even simple things that will make low-budget home recordings a reality. I'm in debt right now. I cannot justify buying a condenser mic ($180), an audio interface ($300-$500 depending on quality of sound) and software to work with my machine (don't even ask how much). Instead, to record ideas that I have, I'm perusing ebay to find a Griffin iTalk - a recording attachment that will work with my 3rd Gen iPod. No luck on winning a reasonable bid yet. The two guitars I want to buy are still borrowed. Their combined cost is $375 and the classic guitar (one of the two) has been in my possession with the intention of buying it for nearly a year now. To top it off, until I get up to speed with the website education I'm working on, I cannot afford enough time in the week to practice with these toys and make any real progress.

Third, I know I have no idea how to manage a band, lead a band or even get a decent band to notice me. At work, there is a guy who works next to me who is a guitarist and has been for twenty years and counting. He plays and leads his bands and has been doing that for years as well. I try to pick his brain to get good ideas on how to solve the obstacles above and all I really get are answers that clearly tell me that I'm nothing but a joke to him. *gives finger* Granted, he is not the font of knowledge on the subject of music, but all I want is some pointers without being made to feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm already there, you can take your boot off of my face now. To make his arrogance worse, if he's that good and that above me, then why does he need to work in a shipping department to make ends meet? I shouldn't care, but it kinda hurts all the same. Lastly, there is no way I'm giving up because of a guy like him. I'm just bummed out by it is all.

Someday, I will sing for a band that plays originals that I like and helped write. I will tour and play shows in public. I will record an album. It is my wildest dream.

Rejection Letter #2 - Plus bad news: Return to Start

Hi Hubris,

We really appreciate you coming out to meet us last week. For aspiring musicians, it's always good to meet like-minded people who share the same taste and goals. Having said that, we're a little weary of a few issues that we've talked about as a band. First, logistically it might be a little difficult to pull off the commuting every Saturday - especially if you'll be needing to work on Saturdays. Second, we know you can sing, but we're concerned about the lack of song-writing experience. We've had a few singers in the past who had a lot of trouble creating melodies and understanding song structures, and we're looking for a singer who can take control of a song, deconstruct it's parts, and turnaround a melody that is in tune with the song elements, tone, key(s), and dynamics.

I hope you can understand, as these aren't easy choices for us. We wish you luck with your musical endeavors, as you are one of the few people we've met who seems to have the drive and the passion for making music.

Thanks again for interest, and take care.

Sincerely,
RFM

This is issue #1. I'll get to the second wad of shit-stink in a minute. Okay. Band #2 on a very short list of local artists that have captured my interest is not onboard with what I have to offer. Fair enough. Their letter was particularly kind and encouraging. Also, discouraging if you still follow me here... When traveling out there by greater Toronto transit, all I could do was marvel at the stunning amount of time that it took me to get out there to meet them. 1:15 hours each way. Their time concern was certainly mine as well, however I was willing to give it a shot. I'm very accommodating about schedules when it comes to things of this personal importance. Yet they're right about the worky on weekend horseshit. I have pretty much the whole month of June Saturdays booked either out of town or making up the hours for going out of town.

I appreciate that they acknowledge my current level of skill and my passion to pursue this. I agree. Not because I'm hot shit - I'm not - because they see something in me that I just recently became aware of myself. I feel it. It is enormous and wants to escape. First it needs refining.

Wow. You hit the shit out of that ball! Go back home, Rookie.

I just started. By all reasonable accounts I have years to go. Still their concerns for song-writing experience, while more than understandable, still cut. I can't try if I have no music. I can only write. Hmmm. I do in fact have a song. The one from Rejection #1. Damn. I still feel bummed about that one. Mostly due to my belief that they are closer to the future with their music rather than the past. Perhaps, though I was rejected, I should finish that one. After all, they haven't found a singer yet as far as I can tell. I come to this rather than search anew or return to practice with the band I started because I learned tonight that our guitarist is walking. No reason given and done so via facebook. Very High School break up, no? So yeah, thats shit-stink #2. No prospects in sight and not even a fledgling group to jam with. Return to start and may as well lose a turn while we're at it. To learn these both in one night has been extremely disappointing. I'm taking it rather well. I feel stuff inside, but I'm more interested in what I might do by tomorrow night in order to change this course. I can write enough lyrics to map out that tune. In addition, meet with guy at work for another lesson in Music Theory. Other goals can wait.

The perfectionist in me urges me to wait until what I have to write sounds good enough for me. Fuck me that's been a boring chore. Like pondering the conversations of garden stones. Lets try writing anything and piecing the thoughts together at a later time instead. How about all things music during free time? Can I get away with that or even will myself to do it? I suppose if I can't even go all the way on something that I finally have a passion for, then why not choose something easier and mundane? Maybe I'm so used to being disinterested with everything over the last 15 years that I forgot how. It mixes with difficulties with discipline I have no doubt. I don't finish things for one reason or another. Like this post