Jam Nights

The jam nights at my local watering hole is becoming a great wad of fun for all things rock singer. The first time was about a month ago. It was sheer bliss. I picked three songs they knew and poof. I was singing for a live band before a very small audience. Mad props ensue from the band, the bar employees and other patrons. *nut*

So I go back last week. MD and her mum joined me for this excursion and I was totally buzzing and vibrating from the excitement. I got there at 9:30 sharp, the usual start time. I picked a seat close to the front. I spoke to the band about what they could play that night and let them clearly know that I was pumped and looking forward to doing this again. They spend the first hour, as they normally do, playing their own set. Their first break begins and I'm even more buzzy. Soon :D

Second set begins and they call up some of the fantastic musicians and singers from their friend's birthday party happening on one side of the bar. Damn, this one chick had a set of pipes perfect for a stunning Janis Joplin tune. After an hour, the second set ends and the band takes another break. bzzzzzz. Very soon :D

It was damn near the middle of the third set that I began to grow impatient. After all, MD & her mum are now tired enough to want to go home. They considered doing so and catching up with me there but they stayed. By then I was quite pissed because they have now brought every fucking person in the bar to arrive after me on stage to jam. I had been waiting for three and a half hours right in front of them for a turn at the mic. Nothing. Clearly, getting there first and immediately talking to the band is not enough to get them to realize that I was even there. I was furious. Right about the time I see the drummer disassembling his kit, I take it upon myself to go up there and ask the bassist, "Next week I guess!?" He looked surprised and replied, "Oh shit!! We didn't get you up here!?" Me, "No. No you didn't"
He then spewed forth with apologies and how embarrassings and surely next week and we shook hands and said goodnight. I was still very crushed and pissed but I gave them the benefit of doubt and slept it off. MD was so kind and patient to me. Consolling and supportive.

Then, just last Wednesday, I return to the jam night determined to get my ass up there to be seen and heard. I still encountered a hefty wait time but it was all better for sure. I sang Rooster by Alice in Chains and that went okay for the most part. The thing that really got me off was finding out that they knew Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine. They played it very well and for that, I fucking nailed it. Not a beat missed. Weird too because I had not performed that song since I was 16 years old standing in as singer for Sonus Ex Machina's band in his parents garage on his birthday. For all this, the manager of the bar gives me a hug and cheers! Many patrons of that bar as well as the band were loudly giving their approval and the waitress I had that night said, "That was fucking awesome! You rocked out with your cock out!" and then proceeded to buy us each a shot for us to slam together.

It seems I do have what it takes. I cannot tell you how incredible it feels to do this. I'm really looking forward to finding a band.

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I also design prints for apparel as well as try to sing for rock music, try to be a web designer, etc etc. This is available in many sizes and colours. I found it funny when it occurred to me. Hell, if you like it enough, you may even want one for yourself. *shameless plug*

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Dziener Apparel

The First Tryout

It was really lucky that I got his message and showed up early. By the time I would have arrived after a full day of work, his girlfriend had come home with a nauseous tummy and needed quiet. Fortunately, we had finished by then. I felt pretty confident that I delivered comfortably and acted myself. We basically chit chatted about music and about what they're looking for. He said that I sounded like Maynard on Parabola and like Jack White on Seven Nation Army and they sounded really good. Before playing me a few of his tracks, he said he wanted me to sing for him in the way that I sound like. Without influence. I'm pretty sure I pulled that off :D He said that I am very good and recognizes that despite no formal training, I can stay in key without a problem. He further added that he has no problem being blunt and if he didn't think I might fit, he'd have ended the visit much sooner. I'm 1 of 10 who contacted them and the first of 5 that they wish to see. Either way, he'll let me know wether I am invited back for a practice.

Wish Me Good Show

Cuz I hear its bad to wish someone good luck... I don't know why. So.

Today, I am riding over to the East side of Toronto to try out for a band. They sound pretty serious. 2 of the members have been signed before. They're looking to be gig ready by the fall. The guitarist's goal is to be one of those opening acts that blows everyone away and upstages the headliner. He thinks I have what it takes based on the files that I sent. Same ones that y'all heard.

*crosses fingers*

HH

Beautiful Gifts

I am one of the very few people that I know who has a father who is not a deadbeat, abusive, estranged, a workoholic, an alcoholic, cold, uncaring or indifferent. I have great love and respect for him and his methods used to raise me into the man that I am today. His name is David. He is kind, affectionate, patient, gentle, logical and loving. Working 2 full time jobs as I grew up, he still made time to play inside and outside with me. He made it to many of my sports events. He continues to encourage my artistic talents and choices. While he is not a perfect man, he is very much the father that I hope to be someday.

I do not have any biological children of my own and it is rather unlikely that I will. What I do have is Mightydoll and her children. They have grown to be my immediate family and I love them as such. Their real father is a good father to both B and MC and I am in no way a replacement of him. Simply an addition of the parental structure attached to MD and they look up to me in that way.

B, her son, is now 8 years old and is a very bright and wildly creative boy. His capacity to take in information and retain it is quite fascinating to watch. He's a sponge for all that captures his interest. I particularly love is morbid sense of humor. He likes contorting his G.I. Ken into a severely awkward pose turning it into his 'Zombie Ken'. Another thing I find very funny is how several times per week I can hear him wandering through the house humming the Imperial March from Star Wars. His drawings are imaginative and highly detailed. Especially if the subject is either a superhero or a supervillan. I look forward to seeing what he does in the future with these attributes. He takes a long time to warm up to people in his life but he has recently come to trust me enough to be a little affectionate. Its very warming.

MC, her daughter, just turned 6 and a bit to Mightydoll's concerned amusement, is in love with all things pink, pretty and princess. Mightydoll had been the tomboy growing up and she finds it strange how with parents that were outcasts and punks, her daughter is the princess loving popular kid in her class. She is intensely sweet and even cuter. She knows it. Like her brother she too is an incredibly fast learner and lover of crafts. She is much more affectionate than her brother. She loves family snuggles and when we cross the street together, she takes my hand. When there isn't much to say, I sometimes shoot a smile her way and it is always returned. Occasionally, she will request that I read her a bedtime story as opposed to her mother. Like her brother, it is very warming.

This to me represents a beginning of an opportunity to be to Mightydoll's children as my father was for me. A caring loving and patient man. I think I need the most work on patience (thanks, Mom). The reason this for this post is that something happened for the first time ever to me this morning. I was given a Father's Day card from B and MC. *cue melting into pool of Nick butter* For the first time, my father and I have this in common. There is nothing today that could have made me happier.

Words Ring True

"This blog was pretty shitty. Sorry to break it to you, but I don't think you're on your way. Not with blogs like this one. Write another blog. In this next blog put just as much thought an energy into all of things you can do. Set out a plan and a single goal for the month... Set small obtainable goals that will help you toward your ultimate goal of being a rockstar. I don't want to read anymore blogs about what you can't do. Thats bullshit! And if you sit there and focus on the things you say can't happen, you'll paralyze yourself. Here's a crazy thought. You can do it. Here's something even crazier. You already know how. You don't need any pointers from anyone on how to do things. Just set some small monthly goals. When they are obtained, set a new goal that makes logical and progessive sense. Soon, you'll be the one that people are asking for advice. Above all, don't sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Be like the squirrel."

LSD had this to say in reply to my previous post. I find these kind of criticisms most helpful because they clarify just how mush ass sitting I really do. The more of my peers that point this out so bluntly, the more I wish to conquer my tendency to not discipline myself.

The things that are the most important to me in my life right now are continuing to build a good relationships with MD and her children, learning enough web skills to quit my day job and work from home, exercise every day, learn to read and write music, learn guitar and ultimately, sing for a rowdy band. These are either continuing or long term goals.

So far, I believe I'm doing okay in dedicating myself in my relationship with MD and being a good stepfather to MD's children. So far, I get good exercise at least 5 days a week. I ride by bike to and from work almost everyday and I climb during lunches about 3 times per week.

To allow for a greater focus on music and singing, I believe that learning web skills will be the fastest way to simultaneously increase my income and decrease my working hours. To do this, I must allocate many free hours after work and on weekends to go to Othercat's place to work on websites. Fortunately, this learning experience is paid and that quite well. Every time we are finished for the day, I ask when we can do it again. So far so good. I have 7.5 hours logged with another few to happen this evening. Dedicating this much time to this learning experience does require a sacrifice from more fun activities such as spending direct time with MD or going to karaoke to practice in public. So, in a way, I have to set some of the musical endeavors aside so that I can prepare to dive in later. What I don't have to set aside are things like studying music theory or guitar practice. Those types of things can be done while spending an evening with the girl. After all, she loves to read, yes? It should work well. A couple hours of theory and practice per week will definitely make great building blocks in the background.

The goal structure is in place, now I just need to break it down. Carry the acorns to my nest one at a time. As far as cash goes, a lot should pan out either when the Othercat's check comes and or when September comes. Borrowed amounts will be repaid to my credit card and MD might find work during school hours.

I'd say that my first monthly goal is to repair the frets on the classical guitar so that I can practice simple scales effectively. I think I can do this before the end of the month. Steve's music and Long & McQuade are both open until 9pm on Thursdays and Fridays. Plenty of time to get there after work. I might even be able to get a repair quote from both places on the same day.

HH

Experienced Veteran Equipped with Arrogance

Obstacles with breaking into the music industry are without number. A no-brainer thought to come across I'm sure, but discouraging none the less.

First, I know I'm an amateur. Truly and completely. I have never written a song. I have never played a gig. What I know is that I do have an untrained voice with talent and potential. As soon as I learn how to breathe without going hoarse in as little as three songs, my voice will be stage ready. What I also know is that despite an entire lack of experience, I have a decent stage presence. My nervousness is waning. I don't get up there and recite a song, standing still, emotionless, with a mic in my face like I'm giving an oral presentation on complex math equations. I let the music move my body, even throw it, as I give it all I have. Full pipes and full emotion. I don't care if its karaoke or a jam night in a shitty bar. I want the people there to stop their conversations, stop sipping their drinks and notice me if even for only a few seconds. I know I can do this because I've seen it before. It has been relayed to me by friends who are there watching. Best of all, strangers tell me. Not many, but enough to know I'm not crazy. One guy I met at the bar has played gigs before and he was very surprised to learn that I have not done so myself.

Second, I don't have a budget to get even simple things that will make low-budget home recordings a reality. I'm in debt right now. I cannot justify buying a condenser mic ($180), an audio interface ($300-$500 depending on quality of sound) and software to work with my machine (don't even ask how much). Instead, to record ideas that I have, I'm perusing ebay to find a Griffin iTalk - a recording attachment that will work with my 3rd Gen iPod. No luck on winning a reasonable bid yet. The two guitars I want to buy are still borrowed. Their combined cost is $375 and the classic guitar (one of the two) has been in my possession with the intention of buying it for nearly a year now. To top it off, until I get up to speed with the website education I'm working on, I cannot afford enough time in the week to practice with these toys and make any real progress.

Third, I know I have no idea how to manage a band, lead a band or even get a decent band to notice me. At work, there is a guy who works next to me who is a guitarist and has been for twenty years and counting. He plays and leads his bands and has been doing that for years as well. I try to pick his brain to get good ideas on how to solve the obstacles above and all I really get are answers that clearly tell me that I'm nothing but a joke to him. *gives finger* Granted, he is not the font of knowledge on the subject of music, but all I want is some pointers without being made to feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm already there, you can take your boot off of my face now. To make his arrogance worse, if he's that good and that above me, then why does he need to work in a shipping department to make ends meet? I shouldn't care, but it kinda hurts all the same. Lastly, there is no way I'm giving up because of a guy like him. I'm just bummed out by it is all.

Someday, I will sing for a band that plays originals that I like and helped write. I will tour and play shows in public. I will record an album. It is my wildest dream.

HATRED ALLOWED

I can no longer abide by the way you treat those around you. No more can I tolerate your inconsistency. Your retroactive changes to ensure your righteousness. Your hypocritical mouth makes me want to vomit. You have become a filthy joke that offends the earnest efforts of those who aid you. We have been kind and accommodating. We have been patient as we wait for you to rise up to the challenges before you. You have failed. Failed everyone around you. We are sick of your inadequacies. Frustrated and angry.

Your efforts, the ones you have told me of countless times, are transparent. Nothing more than window dressing to save your own skin. It is a show for those who observe your behavior and ability. Your ideals are obsolete. Your philosophies are nothing applicable to the daily expectations before you. You're a fake. A plastic replication of someone decent and competent. A preprogramed parrot with a rank.

And yes, it would in fact, bring this normally passive person great satisfaction to harm you with impunity. Even joy to degrade you and reduce you to the earth crawling creature I perceive you to be. As I walk behind your turned back I look at your body, constantly reading the best place to land a hard blow. I am comfortable with this now because I have done everything in my power to accommodate and perform properly for you. To ignore the gross unfairness emanating from your mouth and actions. Know this. Consequence is the only thing that holds back my kinetic limbs. They want to ruin you. Cripple you.