Camera Whoring again

A very recent pic. Happy HNT



HH

Suggestions

I went out to karaoke last night with girlbits and a friend named after a deity. We went to a local pub that has been gaining popularity for said karaoke. Vast selection, hilarious prick of a host and of course, beer :)

*sigh*

So, there was a medium sized group of folks off to the side. New regulars. Youngins. Mostly post teens but a few genuine mid twenties in there as well. They were having a great time with the booze. The liked my singing apparently. I started with "Street Spirit by Radiohead. My voice has ben shot for 2 weeks due to illness. Why did I pick THAT song!? It was really hard to control when all my pipes want to do is cough my lungs onto the floor. One guy, who MD suggests may be gay, felt the need to approach me in the washroom to tell me that I sang incredibly. *blushes* "Thank you very much" I replied. *politely exits quickly* I return to my table and continue my beering until its my turn to sing again.

Ænima - Tool was my second choice. Let me start by saying that I especially love this band and their music and lyrics are a primary influence for my late blooming endeavors to be an educated rock singer. I nailed it. I knew it when nearly every person in the bar gave a hoot and a cheer. Wow. Feels good. Certainly that is part of the reason I do this though not entirely.

I walked to the washroom again and when I returned, there was another guy from that group waiting to compliment me on my ability. Such that he said I had a voice similar to Tool's singer. *tries to keep ego from dramatically inflating* Seriously, there isn't much one could say about my singing that is more flattering then that. He seemed very interested in wether I had a band to sing for. "I do" I replied. He asked what we sound like... hrm...

I described to him that the rest of my band is very young and fairly enthusiastic. I described how the back up singer is getting better at guitar, has a phenomenal voice and drive to be on stage. I stated that our new guitarist is competent and can pick up pretty much anything he sets his mind to. I also relayed that our bassist and drummer aren't bad but that we as a band are starting from scratch. As such, they need a metronome. A larger practice space and above all, way more time to practice.

After all this, this guy tells me that I have too much talent to start from the ground. Further he'd like to put me in contact with a metal drummer who according to him, she has stellar timing and can wield a double kicker. He basically told me to fuck off and take anyone with talent with me.

Another thing to consider: By and large, the compliments are offered by strangers. My friends compliment as well of course, but its the strangers that have got me thinking about it this hard. They have nothing to lose by hurting or petting your feelings when it comes to your talents or lack thereof.

Here's the thing. I like the people in my band. Very much. Yet I have argued with the drummer regarding practices and taking this thing seriously. We pretty much dropped it but it wanders the back of my head that I feel there is no time left. If I want this, I have to throw myself into it head first and not look back. I can't wait for others to decide what they want. They don't want me to either. Not if it means feeling pressure instead of getting together to enjoy playing some music. Fair enough. I just don't want to hurt friends. Yet I do want to sing live shows regularly. I want to tour. I want to write lyrics. I want to sing for a great band. I want people to understand my words and think about them. I want them to swim in the music I help make. I want them to love it and want more. And, I won't lie. I want the attention.

Lastly is a brief story that occurred about a year and a half ago. I went with the girlbits to a burlesque show by the Shameless Dames. It was pretty hot despite its budget. What mostly interested me was the singer of the intermission band that took the stage. They were called Church of Robot. A three piece obviously composed of high-school friends. The bassist wasn't great. The keyboardist was also not much. They kept time okay but the music wasn't moving. What blew me away was the energy of the singer. He was all over the stage. A scrawny punky type with a serious set of chops. Very passionate. I recall telling MD on the way home after the show, that if I were a scout or an agent or whatever, I'd have walked up to that singer and told him to come with me. That he had a future as a singer if he wanted it. The only catch is that his band of friends will have to be left behind.

He had what it takes.

Do I? That is the question I ask myself. I could ask MD or her friends or my sister. I wont. I love this enough that I realize the necessity to think for myself for once. I really I try to be humble. Its hard to do when you know you have a talent. I'm definitely not the best singer by far. However, I know I have raw talent that has never been professionally trained and still gets mad compliments and urges to go and go very far. This is something I have always wanted but have mostly been to scared to try.

Ahhh. Friday Foe-Twenny.

I have been sick for 9 days now. It sucks ass lemme tell ya. 11 days ago, my 6 year old stepdaughter fell of the bed and split her wee head open on a coffee mug. I wasn't there at the time but apparently there was lots of blood. Enough to warrant a trip to the children's hospital for sutures. Poor kid! However, advanced medicine being what it is, all they did was glue her head shut and braid her hair over it to hold it all together. Done... Neat. Unfortunately, advanced medicine being what it also is, she brought home a flu bug in her poor little guts. It reeked moderate havoc on her tummy before infecting me. What makes this worse is the night I woke with a fever and alarming stomach pains, I had left work a few minutes early that day because over the corse of just 90 minutes, I could feel a hurricane force head cold coming on and I knew I didn't have a lot of time to get home.

Hybrid illness. Splendid. I caught that flu bug in spades. I'll spare you all which part of my body is most exhausted from the effort. Nights were the worst. I couldn't sleep because I was convulsing so hard with a fever. Mightydoll, sweetheart that she is, fetched water and ibuprofen. She lost a lot of sleep those nights as well. Something about a vibrating bed prevented her from comfortable slumber.

As if my body wasn't shitty enough, I missed 4 days of work and three proposed band practices. Fuck. I really wanted to go to band practice. I seem to be coming around again. This is good. Going to go to the bar tonight and see what I can see.

Happy 420 all.

In the Way

Work has always been. This time it is different. I have actually found something I am passionate about. For once in my silly little life I realize a passion for singing. Allow me to expound. I started a band with some folks from work. A rock band to be more precise. I had an idea of how fun it would be for about 12 years. That's when I wish I had started. I was quite wrapped up in pleasing my parents with stable aspirations such as graphic design and other artistic pursuits but had never felt driven. We yeah, I had but it was the sort where I was driven to maintain a home and a means to feed myself. Yet I never felt a need to strive for it. Like an itch to scratch. It has never happened before. That is, until now. I realized that holding down a bunk job is easy to do. I hate it most of the time so I needed to find something else to do. I kept searching in practical paths. Nothing. No feeling of joy. No aptitude to encourage me. I have felt like I have nothing to offer.

Music has been there like a soundtrack to my life every step of the way. It finds me and fills me with such vitality when I hear something incredible. It moves my emotions. At times it speaks so clearly to me that I feel as if it is something tangible. Like I can swim in it. While I have known that I have an excellent untrained voice, I never knew that I could be putting it somewhere that would bring such satisfaction and fulfillment. So, a band. Buzz Kill Bill is the current name though I doubt it will stick. We are as amateur as we can be but you gotta start somewhere right? We mostly do covers so far but we have begun writing about three songs. It is wildly fun. Also, to break the shakes of nervousness when singing in front of others, I have taken quite a liking to going out for karaoke. Last week was the first time that Mightydoll had ever really heard me sing with any real effort. She found it quite sexy :D Anyway, the gist is I finally found something to busy myself that makes me very happy.

"Today is the Greatest..."

On this day, I will join my ex-wife at a small court office to make legal and permanent our separation. This last dangling thread keeping us in communication with each other will now be severed. This idea I was initially scared and sad about when we first separated is now worth much more in the way of celebration and rejoice.

Goodbye forever, AAC.




"If you walk away I'll walk away
first tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing somday
so you walk that way I'll walk this way..." Land Locked Blues - Bright Eyes




"And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
Ill be very sweet very patient and forgiving
(now get off my side of the state)

And if we should meet one another in passing
Despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding
(there must be some kind of mistake)

We'll raise high our white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican
We'll call it even..." Truce - Dresden Dolls

Right. They're really streching here...

Go to Hell Monday - Issue #1: Jägermeister is not my friend...

So this is me all kinds of delighted to go to work with a 4 alarm hangover to find that I have no network of any kind. Internet, email and our Inventory/Point of Sale programs are right fuct.



This has been a rather stress free way to recover from copious amounts of Jager.





I stopped at a bakery on the way to work (which I was strangely on time for) and scored the 3 giant croissants for $0.99. Hence the flattering pictures of me chewing. I have to say that the most disappointing thing about this morning is that I have learned that there is NOTHING that can cover Jager breath. Toothpaste, Listerine, all of those efforts were futile.