Woops, where'd I go?

It all started with a trip down to Washington DC about 10 days ago... That's when I left for a 4 day blogger hiatus.





Crickets say, *chirp chirp*



Its not that I forgot to come back. It is just that I am willing to bet that my few readers would prefer that I actually put forth some thought rather than just puke up any clever thing I can find.

I do however owe y'all an apology for not replying to your comments. I'm sorry. They were all read and loved but I simply didn't have anything to say. After the trip, I got home and buckled down to a very busy week. Every day after work there was... uh... hrm. There was something I'm sure. *drums fingers* Well, whatever it was I'm sure I had good reasons for doing it instead of blogging. Like sleeping. I experienced incredible fatigue during the four days that I traveled. Then it doubled in the days after. There was also much vegging out with MD and watching the 4th season of Buffy. Perhaps it is that I would prefer to say different things than talk about my life lately. Unfortunately, there are no works ready for exposure so as to fulfill my wishes. I have a few written works in progress. That is all.

sass dot

Then again, sometimes I witness things that I'm certain you kind peeps will find as crazy as I did. I do my best to recall such things because I love to hear what you say and then I get the bug to chat with you again. Do you see how I have this full circle of inconsistency? It isn't intentional, I assure you. It cuts into many facets of my life and its frustrating. Yet sometimes its both fun and productive to be that manic. Like right now. In fact, it is that constant traversing of activity that is largely responsible for nearly every hiatus I have had-blogging or other hobbies as well, really. I'd like to write these posts regularly. Daily even, but often I loop around and its easier for me to talk. Wait a week later and all my best words are falling from my fingers onto these keys again. Then a term of nothing but work sleep and feed.

sass dot

Let me just take a second to thank MD whole-heartedly. I now grok the comfort of spending my evening about my house in my birthday suit. You taught me that :) Thanks babe.

sass dot

Speaking of finding crazy things, I had the privilege of taking an in depth tour of Air Force One while I visited DC. It was parked in its hangar at the time. It was fascinating, inspiring, garish and fearsome. You would not believe the conspicuous consumption. I noted the board game of Risk in the closet of the conference room on the plane. Very funny. What else... Hmm. Got to see the cockpit. Jet-head that I am, I've never seen one in person before. The size of this fucking plane...

Ooh! The whole damn thing is regularly polished by all ranks of those who support its existence. It is certainly very shiny.

The press has to pay to fly on it, rather than the taxpayers footing the bill. It is the only ticket more expensive than commercial first class short of buying your own private passage.

There are at least 85 telephones on the plane.

I was curious about a device I noticed on the aircraft and upon enquiring I was simply told, "Don't worry about it."

I sat in the Dude's office chair on the plane as well (email me to learn more about this experience).

"Knock, knock."
'Whose there?'
"Titanium"
'Titanium who?'
"Titanium lamps on this plane."

Wanna here another one?

I saw the escape pod. Its right on the deck below the arsenal. Just like in the movie "Air Force One".

Okay, one more. Geez- tough crowd!

So I walk into Air Force One and I note the wood veneer paneling that lines the outer walls inside the plane bears wood grain that looks as though it was all cut from the same tree. There are cupboards and closet faces to match. They all run together seamlessly. Attention to the smallest details. Oh! You dented or scratched the panel? Not to worry! *Calls Boeing* Yeah guys, I need a replacement panel J-13 installed ASAP. An exact replica will have been installed and you won't have known the difference. Right down to the matching wood grain as if it were from the same tree.

Guess which 2 of these 3 jokes are true.


At the end of the tour, I walk toward the exit of the building through a long hallway. It was flanked on both sides in its entire length with photographs that were taken on the President's plane since planes were first given to US Presidents. They were all there. Some later photos had as many as three ex-prez's on the plane together with the current model. They were en-route to a King's funeral ceremony. There was also, of course, the one of LB Johnson being sworn in while Jackie witnessed shortly after Kennedy was shot. Another of General Swartzkoff conferring with Bush Sr. over a foreign map. It was these photos that rendered the tour unsettling. It was as if I could actually feel the power emanating from these pictures. All Presidents. All men. All white. All powerful.

sass dot

The sky is overcast here tonight but the clouds' high ceiling bounces all the city's lights back down and I can see everything terrestrial. I really did rent this place for the view and it is worth it for that alone. The living space made it all but perfect. Yup. All except for that nice Catholic guy and his daily blessing of canine urine upon by balcony. That son of a bitch is lucky it has been rainy and cold as fuck. If it weren't for that, I'd care far more about the problem. Still, should the snow come, I'll photograph the yellow parts and ship them off to the department of health. Whatever. It isn't like I sleep out there.

The winds are very very strong out there tonight. It blasts the side of my building and I wonder how much wind is needed to crack and break rusty railings...

sass dot

Oh! Here's a life experience point that I don't think I needed: I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work earlier this week. Know what? It sucked. The cab didn't signal that he was going to pull over so his fare could get out. They were just stopped at an intersection like everyone else when the car door opened into my bike lane. The kid didn't even look. About three more inches and I'd have cleared it and continued on but no. I was going fast so I hit it very hard. The door buried its outer reaches into my thigh muscles and I ricochet off into the curb smacking down with many parts getting squashed and my head landed directly between 2 sign posts mounted in the cement. I was instantly crazy with rage. I was really hurt but adrenaline took over and I whipped up to my feet and shouting, demanded that the passenger come out of the car (he had shut it after realizing what he had done). I screamed, "GET OUT HERE NOW YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCKING PRICK!" By this time, the cabbie and two other motorists were at the back window on my behalf cutting a scared 12 year old boy down to size. He was coaxed from the car balling his eyes out and I continued, "YOU HAVE TO CHECK EVERY TIME! E V E R Y FUCKING TIME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?" His eyes reflected watery fear as he nodded.

Yes I know he's only 12 and I do feel bad for being hard on him but here's the deal. 1. I know damn well I'm not going to hit him. Not even if he were an adult. 2. At that time, fear was my best option to use to drill this very important safety tip deep into his memory. "you have to check every single time" was repeated by me at least thrice.

The cabbie should have pulled over for sure but the kid was riding with an adult, maybe an older brother, and I suppose he didn't because the kid was just popping out at the light to dart off to the school across the street. Makes sense but its still illegal as hell. They can lose their license for that shit. I walked away from the ordeal. Minimal insignificant damage to my bike, but I was sent home early from work because it was very hard to walk and we had no ice other than the emergency ice packs in the medicine cabinet. It needed to be elevated and iced rather than walking on it. This was about 4 days ago now. Since then I have discovered many more bruises. They all hurt. They're all pretty colours. The biggest of which is the one on my thigh. It starts to my knee and curves around in and then back out, nearly to the top of my leg. A full 12 inches of delightful hematoma.

I was very lucky. And I love my life.

sass dot

Perhaps I should try to like the idea of posting twice per week instead of 7 times...

sass dot

Remember in the first paragraph when I said, "That is all"? Uh-huh. That was supposed to be the end of this post and I was going to return to my solitary evening. Let's try that again.

I missed you guys.
That is all.

Stinky fucking Drips of fucking fuck Piece of shit part 3 prickface

To: Property Manager

From: Hubris Humility, #30XX

Re: Public health problem! at #31XX

I moved into this unit at the beginning of September. Since I moved in I could smell urine on my balcony. After a few weeks I found out that my neighbor above me in unit 31XX allows his dog to pee out on their balcony EVERYDAY! It falls onto my balcony everyday as well! This is unhealthy and incredibly disgusting! They have tried hardly at all to contain this mess. They shove paper towel in the crack at the edge of the cement. it doesn't work. I have taken the initiative to confront them peacefully on two occasions now. Both times I express the problem and my anger about it. They seem apologetic and concerned to my face but when I express that this needs to stop or how to dispose of their pet's waste properly, nothing ever happens. They do not clean up after the dog. It is not a small breed either, so the amount of urine and stench is considerable. This makes me blind with rage the more it happens and I demand that a solution to this public health problem be found. This absolutely will not be tolerated. This is a HUGE disrespect to my home. I too own a dog. Every time she needs to go, I take her ALL the way down to the grass outside EVERY TIME! I expect the same from the resident of #31XX. If they cannot abide then they should not be allowed to own a pet here. Certainly not at the expense of my health and the health of those who come to my home. Please aid in the stopping of this grotesque activity at your earliest possible opportunity. You can reach me at my cell any time.

XXX-XXX-FUCT

You can also arrange to go to my balcony to smell and see evidence of this claim. I have also taken pictures with a digital camera. Please provide an email address if you wish to have them sent to you. Again, please help as soon as possible.

Hubris Humility - #30XX

Huh....

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Claire Danes

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

You May Be Pregnant

Yup, you could be preggars! See a doctor to confirm, okay?

Are You Pregnant?

You Are Cherry Kiss Lip Gloss

You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on. You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals. Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have. No wonder Cherry your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

Your Toes Should Be Black

A total rulebreaker (and heartbreaker), you're always a little punk rock. Your flirting style: Wacky and a bit shocking Your ideal guy: An accomplished artist, musician, or writer Stay away from: Preppy guys looking for a quick bad girl fling

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

Freakish HNT

This one is for LSD

I long to hear your laugh

So, today the Dingo was inside playing with a ball of hers. Rolling it about my apartment and chasing it lightly. She then lay down to chew on it but found that when she'd lick it, her tongue would get caught by suction in the swiss cheese like craters in the ball. She really had to yank it to release the suction, creating a slow hiss that climaxed with a popping noise. This dog is funny as shit.

I miss MD...

Stinky Drips Part 2

And can I just say, that the simple fact that there even has to be a part 2 to this seeping, smelling urine soaked story, leaves me with a far more pure version of anger than I had expressed before. I feel overcome with the power of hate that so many evil villains have used to no avail in the past.

Drips of piss started again just last night. Now, any of you that have met me in person know that most of the time I am a very reasonable man. Silly? yes. Dorky? you bet. Last night was different. I marched upstairs and knocked on their door for 15 minutes. No answer. I hear the dog barking. I wish I could kill it. I thought I heard someone telling the dog to shut up but I'm not sure. After banging so loud & long on their door, their neighbor comes into the hall to inquire what all the noise is about. I took a deep breath and laid out the situation briefly. "Oh. Sorry about the noise, man. Its just that their dog keeps pissing on their balcony and it drips down to mine." I said dryly.
"By all means, keep pounding." he replied.
*resumes pounding*
Still no answer. I was sure someone was home so before I left, I opened their mail slot and shouted, "I'm going to the Superintendent! This is BULLSHIT!!"
I returned to my balcony to see what I could do from my side. That was when I found paper towel crammed in the crack just as I did before. Now, this time, gazing at that urine soaked tissue gave me a wildly good idea. And by good I mean satisfying to me. I grabbed a coat hanger and bent the wire until I had a long skinny hook. I took it to my balcony and began to claw and dig at the tissue until I had recovered as much as I could. Thankfully, it was still nice and juicy from the dog's last visit to the bathroom. I marched that huge wad of piss-fiber up to their floor and shoved it into their mail slot. Motherfucker.
The next morning promptly at the ridiculous time of 7:00 am, I went back upstairs to see if I could get someone to answer the door. This time the man was home. *evil grin* "Good morning!"
"Hi. Did you leave this in here last night!?" he said as he held up a baggy with the piss tissues.
"Absolutely. And why shouldn't I? It belongs to you. Get your shoes and follow me to my balcony." I replied.
"Now?"
"Now."
I managed to coax him down to my house by promising no harm. Okay, now that was just fun. I don't get to play the strong one in potentially violent scenes. Really, I'm a passive person, but apparently some are more passive than I. So be it. It beats being at the bottom of the food chain. I took him to my balcony and pointed to where I retrieved the pisscloths. He was mortified to learn that they really were his pisscloths. "Do you think I pissed on it myself and THEN put it in your mail slot?!" I was starting to boil again.
"Not anymore..." he said looking at the floor. "What can I do? I replaced the pads and replaced the sheet and-" I interrupted, "Whatever efforts you've been making thus far, thanks, but no thanks. They obviously aren't working. You need a new plan because honestly? This is no different than someone coming to pee in YOUR living room! Is that what I need to do to get through to you? This has to stop! This is making me absolutely crazy! I'm furious with you. I hate your dog. And if you can't figure out a solution, I will. Get it!?"
"Yes. I get it. What would you do?" he said quietly.
"I'd do what I already do. I'd take my ass down 30 floors and let my dog out into the yard where creatures with four legs are supposed to deposit their waste! Look man, I don't care how much plastic or whatever you have to buy to prevent this problem from recurring. Its not my problem. Do it NOW! If you don't, it can create a new and bigger problem for you called 'keeping your dog'. Now please leave."
He left silently.



NOTE:
And for the record, I do not think that I am being too hard on him. There is a reason humans designed toilets. If I recall correctly, it is because we learned that disposing of our waste was far healthier than leaving it wherever it may have fallen. Clean up after your dog or I am going to pursue the removal of your dog from the building. *gives finger*



to be continued...

Happy HNT

"Grendel look. A lens..."

Stay

After two years of complaints regarding a lack of space and manpower, my place of employment is finally making some very positive changes. For one? A hiring blitz. Very necessary due to the fact that our company has grown every year for the last seven or eight. That is, grown every way except our department which has remained a compliment of at least two even during busy seasons. This ultimately meant there was one of us for every 25 people elsewhere in the building. Can we say swamped? So I was at my wits end. Now?

Promoted to lower management and given freedom to govern junior staff. This new responsibility carried with it a very respectable compensation increase :D

Also? A totally new POS system will be in place soon! This hopefully means far greater inventory accuracy on our systems.

That was close. But now they have made changes that are very encouraging and progressive.

Thanks company.

HAPPY HUBRIS

time to go to work bitches.

9/23/6 was not postponed due to terrorism.

Unlike 9/11/1 which was the last time I went to see Tool. Back then the local government held it up for two days. Something about 14,000 people being in one room made them nervous as fuck. But wow. If I could only express the sheer magic of that show 5 years ago. Nothing has come close since. Not even Tool. Don't get me wrong though, Tool is 1, still one of my favorites and 2, still a fabulous show to see. Its just that the tour that followed their 'Lateralus' album rendered the most stunning audio and visual experience I've ever had. This comes from a kid who's first concert ever was Pink Floyd's last tour together. Are you starting to see my expectations for the shows I go see? I knew damn well that seeing Tool this time around wouldn't top five years ago. What made this show great for me this time was being able to bring my sister, niece, Othercat and Sass along for the fun. OC was due for a good heavy show. That wonderful man has been the sole bringer of decent jazz into my life. Sass had to be brought for mostly the same reasons (read: we had to permeate her mind with the good word of Toolism). Same with my niece. ...And this was the second show that my sister and I got to see together and she was equally geeked as I. There was much shouting.

Ya know, I've heard it said that Tool fans are almost as annoying as Grateful Dead fans. *sigh* that's fair, I guess.

So before the show, I was online checking out reviews and set lists from previous shows in this tour and was really disappointed to find very little of what I wanted to hear. I didn't see any of the long prog songs at all. So below is the list from the show we saw. Happy faces mark the songs I was surprised to hear after all :D

Stinkfist
The Pot
Forty-six and 2
Lost Keys (Blame Hofmann)/Rosetta Stoned :D:D:D
Jambi
Schism
Wings for Marie (Pt. 1) :D:D:D:D
10,000 Days (wings Pt. 2) :D:D:D:D:D holy fuck dude. what a ride.
Lateralus
Vicarious
Ænema

All were fun. But those were special and I was floored.
Ooh! and the walls and floors of the stage was all light or screen...

So the answer to your question, LSD, is yes. They still have it.