shelf life

Toronto Local Music Update: Hot New Release by The Artful Vandelays

2009-04-20T12:59:00.001-04:00

The Artful Vandelays, a talented & inventive local band have released their new EP, Four Ring Circus.

The buzz on the EP is growing & I have this to tide me over as I've been keen on seeing the band live for months. The 4 songs therein bear soothing & ambient soundscapes tastefully juxtaposed to a kind of high-tension post-punk rock.

I remember hearing shimmering intro of Pyramid Scheme on their website about a year ago when I first learned of TAV. That shimmer gave way to a tide of energy that captured my interest & I began to follow their path. Now having the chance to give the disc a thorough listening, I'm sure other three songs you'll find on Four Ring Circus are easily as alluring. The sound is intricate, beautifully layered, and definitely powerful.

Live performance is still on the plate especially after a tease like Four Ring Circus. There is a progressive flavor to the band not unlike The Mars Volta. As the band continues to grow, I see it drawing attention from many sources and I I'm glued to see how they evolve.

The EP is well worth the $5. Grab it at their next live show. You'll likely see me there.

Am I the Only One Who Realizes?

2009-03-23T23:26:00.001-04:00

Jane's Addiction.

Arguably one of the most important bands for exiting the glam-rock era of the 80s. Sex and drugs were definitely still on the plate of rock n' roll relevance, but it was Jane's Addiction that cut away from the conspicuously consumptive & redefined the primal purpose of rock music.

I was not on top of this notion in the late 80s & early 90s while it was happening. Rather, it's something I slowly learned as my musical tastes refined over time. I blame a rather sheltered upbringing. :P That said, I still listen to their early works frequently.

4 components offstage, each a contributing factor to the dysfunction & complete lack of stability. Barely even able to record in the same room. Onstage & on the first five releases (from 1987 - 1997), each an irreplaceable piece of history.

Let me say that last word again. History. You see, I understand that consumers, tv & radio demand that each great band (& many terrible bands) get over their bullshit & personal drama long enough to poop out one last money-maker. It is the gross way of things. Yet Jane's makes my point clear: Some bands should not bother.

Jane's Addiction is currently committed to co-headline with another early Lolapalooza giant, Nine Inch Nails. Visit the NIN site & you'll be gifted with a downloadable preview of what is in store. Now, it's not all bad. The first track in the folder, "Chip Away" is a delightful fire-dance sounding piece. One I haven't heard. Further, you get a re-recording of the early Jane's icon, "Whores". Also fabulous. Almost. Wait… Whores has been redone in a different key. So has every early Jane's song I can find live performance of. It seems Perry's voice is old or gone enough that he needs it filed down. Yuck. It's fine for the recording, but every live piece I can find that was made in the last 60 days carries the gross taste of music lover's disappointment. This is not Jane's Addiction anymore. Do you get exactly how phenomenally his voice used to soar? If not, listen to them now & then go find Kettle Whistle as the basis of your comparison of what live Jane's Addiction really sounds like. Hardly a handful of singers since have even come close.

"Jane’s Addiction Rip Through Early Catalog at SXSW" That is the very generous headline attached to that new live link by Rolling Stone. I've seen it & I don't see what the big deal is. The delivery is tired at best. Trent Reznor never stopped in the last 20 years & is only now appearing to slow down. What's Jane's excuse? Heroin says a Toronto local old enough to remember what it was like to actually attend the first Lolapalooza. I don't have the facts, but you might see why I criticize this atrocity so harshly.

We can thank Trent Reznor for stimulating the original members JA reunion - an impressive feat considering bassist & founding member Eric Avery has refused to play with the band for 18 years. Alas, it is to no avail.

On a side note, Streetsweeper, ex RATM guitarist Tom Morello's latest effort, is also on the NIN|JA bill. It's fucking boring and about as much of a let down as Audioslave - another post Rage farce. It's not that I need more Rage. That was done & great. Finished. It's that the music since is simply terrible & uninspired. Keep trying.

Either way, save your money this summer for seeing local & smaller acts. You can probably see 10 to 20 for the price of the NIN|JA Tour ticket - with beer money left over.

Thanks for reading.

Live Performance Review - ADA & The Isosceles Project

2008-06-10T12:07:00.003-04:00

The Pre NXNE party at El Macambo last Thursday (29th) featured ADA, The Isosceles Project & Brown Brigade in that order.

I expected a good show. I'd done my homework about ADA and was excited to see them live—complete the circle of what drives me to be such an audiophile.

Deni & I walked into the club & straight upstairs. We easily found a table, bought some insanely overpriced swill and sat down. We had little to say to each other even though we were enjoying each other's company, & so we watched our surroundings take shape for the evening. The staff for the club, a young man, was carrying tables & chairs every which way. Normally this isn't very interesting. Yet it became so when we noticed that he was moving things back to their original position... Odd. Perhaps he was trying to look busy.

They also had a live painter on the stage. Likely an OCAD student. She was painting a woman in a sparkly dress... A decent painting certainly, but watching it take form wasn't especially riveting.

Right about the time we start to get bored due to the schedule delays, ADA begins sound checking. "finally..." we thought. It would have been nice if the DJ turned off his music for this, but no. The band ripped through half a song and the sound was excruciating. The levels were right fuct & penetrating my brain. It hurt. With that, Deni & I were suddenly very skeptical. Of the sound guy more than the band, but we only had to wait another few minutes before we found out if our fears of enduring a bad show were grounded in reality.

Can I just say? Hole. E. Fuck. In addition to the magical & exponential improvement to the sound levels, ADA tore into their set with feverish & stellar charisma. It's very atypical to see all members of a band with an ability to add more to a performance than just a talent for playing their instrument, but all 4 of them were purely exciting to experience. ADA destroyed that place.

I was also please not only by their professional sound but also with an evident professional level of preparation. The guitarist was so into the intensity of the show that at one point *twink* shit... there goes a string (or a couple of them). But rather than freak out, no cool was lost as he quickly plugged in the next guitar he had waiting behind his amp. Though there was no guitar during that part, the band carried through without missing their groove. *whew* Fun to watch.

ADA's show indeed turned out to be that kind where I'm floored, blown away, whatever you call it.

After taking out a mortgage for another round of Labatt Blue, the Lady & I went downstairs to catch the next performance for the evening - The Isosceles Project.

When I started my pursuit of singing, it was right around the time that The Isosceles Project was considering a singer for their band. I found them on Craigslist and jumped on applying because they have a very attractive progressive intensity. Incidentally, they opted for a fully instrumental arrangement.

I had tried to catch The Isosceles Project live previously but for one reason or another, it didn't happen until last Thursday.

No mics in the way. No patch cables to trip over. This allowed the trio to trounce the stage in fits of rage & raw energy. They captured their young crowd. As much as this normally pleases me, I still found the music missing something. D & I agreed. Missing something in the highs. It felt like a great rhythm section with no accent. It didn't help that I was not familiar with any of the songs they played. In fact, what I know about progressive music this intense is that you have to have some familiarity with it prior to a live performance. I was constantly trying to follow the frequent changes but without ever hearing it before I started to get bored.

That all said, TIPs recorded files on the web are a pretty good place to bud from. I hope they grow there.

pax

Nick

ADA
The Isosceles Project

Lazy Sunday

2008-06-08T20:58:00.001-04:00

As a 1930s wife, I am
Poor

Take the test!

119

As a 1930s husband, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

The Artful Vandelays (New local music find)

2008-05-28T11:11:00.002-04:00

In an age where nearly every new idea has been reduced, reused and recycled, I tend to experience great boredom and faint hopes when it comes to searching for new talent in the local Toronto scene. Still, I look, listen and leave the lights on for anything of real value.

This faint hope has paid off again and though this new act doesn't break new musical ground, it certainly has captured my attention with smart & talented arrangements. Evidently, two of my favorite bands, Radiohead & The Mars Volta, decided to procreate. The result is an exciting hopeful for doing serious damage on the college radio scene.

Meet The Artful Vandelays.

This finding came by way of a random cold-call MySpace friending to my personal account directly from the band. No doubt they looked at my list of favorite artists for ten seconds and took an educated risk.

Good call. I procrastinated for a while on the 'add' and considered ignoring or denying it. Small miracle that when I tried to rebuff the add, MySpace decided to have its usual & infuriating loading issues. Thus the invite remained until I returned to it this morning. What I found was a very pleasant set of songs, each dynamic & carefully written to find that 'hook' without going overboard. Solid Indie Rock. Simply put.

They have no regular online or Facebook presence as of yet :( That said, I submit that your venture to the ~~darkside~~ Myspace will be well worth the visit if the page loads properly. Fortunately for The Artful Vandelays, they didn't blingify their page into I'm-Never-Gonna-Load oblivion. So it shouldn't be a problem.

Below, I have provided information on their next show. Support local music and come to this very inexpensive show with me.

The Artful Vandelays

Jun 5, 2008 9:00 PM
Lee's Palace - 529 Bloor St. W., Toronto, Ontario

Cost : $5

19+ show
9:15 set time

New post?! Music Review: EVIL TWIN CD Release party

2008-05-27T15:11:00.003-04:00

Last Saturday, the girl & a friend and I went to the Evil Twin CD release party in the Annex. I'd tell you the name of the venue but I don't even want to give that establishment OR its management any kind of free press. They really don't deserve it. Evil Twin, on the other hand, seems to be a band that understands what it means to put the work in.

I've said it before. The draw of live performance in this over-saturated city continues to dwindle. Its disappointing to see such empty clubs for decent bands. Still, if nothing else, y'all are leaving these delightful findings all to myself. Thanks :) But keep in mind that if the shows you go to see are really lacking, then you need to find better bands. They're out there amid the chaos trying to vie for your attention and if you do love the live rock, than you really missed out last Saturday.

Evil Twin's set began 2 minutes prior to the end of my pool game and D & I hastily finished so that we could catch the action. The band opened with Ghost - their first track from their self titled debut album and one of my favorites. Out of the gate this band is tight and from that alone, its clear that great lengths were carefully spent getting the timing just right. Guitars in sweet harmony and synchronization raced across my senses and pushing behind them were the thundering rhythms - a brand of metal, despite so many, that can only be described as Evil Twin's signature style.

This stellar energy that the foursome shared and fed off of each other carried through the whole set and really livened up the otherwise sparse crowd. To do it for the love of music is what consistently makes a good show and Evil Twin delivers for their own satisfaction as well as the fans. It shows.

Support local music - buy the debut album.

EVIL TWIN website

A VERY BIG CONGRATULATIONS

2008-01-07T11:04:00.001-05:00

To my friend Lance and his fiance, Amity. Their family has grown! Little baby Simone, welcome to this beautiful and ferocious world. Make it your own. I wish you health and growth :)

:: : RADIO EDIT : ::

2007-12-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

This post has been restricted to special readers. You know who you are. You have a working email of mine somewhere. Use it to request this private post.

BTW? To the other 'You know who you are' out there? Grow up. This post nor any others is about you. I gotta tell you, I stopped giving a shit a very long time ago. Cheers.

-Hubris Humility

Latest Bout: Hubris Vs. Mouse

2007-12-11T10:08:00.000-05:00

Mouse is a plump tabby cat that calls my home her home. She is often reclusive and is relatively adverse to normal cat affection habits. Most of the time, she'd rather be talked to than pet. And for fuck's sake do not try to pick her up. Not that you're guaranteed to be laced open, though that is a real threat, just that she'll take it as a sign that she's been sociable far too long and return to hidden sanctuaries for the rest of the day... maybe longer.

This cat named Mouse has my unconditional love because she was given to me by two friends before I moved from Grand Rapids to Toronto. One I see too infrequently and the other I haven't heard from in years. Mouse does her best to test this sentimental attachment from time to time. Usually the test comes in the form of trying my ability to allow my clothes and couches to be soiled with her urine.

Initially, I assumed that it had a lot to do with the arrival of The Dingo in her life. Dingo, the constant vibration of a dog that joined our family about a year & a half ago, is far too extroverted for Mouse's comfort levels. The bitch can't manage to stay still unless she gets that wild 'stalking' hair up her ass when Mouse attempts to traverse the apartment. I can see why Mouse doesn't appreciate The Dingo's interest and company. Urination outside the litter box ensued. Although it threw a wrench into Mouse's existence, they eventually managed to coexist and now they even exchange affection on occasion as long as they thought the Monkeys that feed them aren't watching. The place even began to regain its cleanliness.

Then we moved last February from my 1-bedroom place atop the Toronto Core to a midtown tower with a tad more space but 4 times as many occupants. This basically caused Mouse to be no longer satisfied with her urine free home again. This time the problem grew exponentially and as of one week ago, Mightydoll and I were processing nearly double the laundry simply to try to maintain a clean home. Cat pees on the couch, minimum one hour of clean up. Cat pees on a blanket or dirty laundry, minimum two extra laundry hours of work need to be invested just to rid ourselves of the smell.

This was my daily life for about 5 months.

Three months ago, I tried relocating her litter box to the bathtub where The Dingo wasn't able to reach the fine delicacies that Mouse left behind for her (that's a whole other post). Bad idea. Now the fucking cat pisses AND shits everywhere except her box. Okay. So I return the litter box to the cupboard under the bathroom sink. Well, that was a bad idea as well. See, The Dingo's love for feeding on Mouse's fecal matter seemed to unsettle the cat and thus resulted in Mouse being fully aware of her box's location and simply refusing to use it. Something about a razor tooth ridden scavenger casing her toilet and interfering with a rather private activity understandably produced the refusal. I can see why she won't use it, but it didn't seem to sway my recurring idea that seeing if the cat can land on her feet from 230 feet in the air was sound and just.

Still, I think Mouse eventually began to have her own sense of domestic hygiene because last month she began to shit in the bathtub as opposed to the kid's beds or my clean clothes. Every day. Strange though. I was certain we tried that location already. There I go again, praying against all logic, I return her box to the tub. It was beautiful. Miraculous like a virgin bearing a Saviour, she began to poo in her box in the tub and since last week, has also ceased extra-kittybox urination habits. It will still be a few days before we find all of the soiled areas of the apartment and right the very, very wrong, but I think this brings and end to my test of love with Mouse for now.

HUBRIS WINS!

Dzien for all your informational website needs.

2007-11-15T02:37:00.000-05:00

I have completed a project that means a 10% debt reduction. *jerking arm "score" gesture* If you're willing, please evaluate usability and style. Your comments matter to me.

Check out these massive pipes.

On the music tip? Holy fuck. This ride is getting faster... We should be ready for live performance within a few months at the most.

Intense. Very Intense.

2007-11-11T02:19:00.000-05:00

There have been enormously creative sessions with the band so far. I'm totally blissed that our new song is truly different and still very much capturing the spirit of the four of us. We are knee deep in real work to both tighten up our current set as well as writing brand new material. It is the most refreshing thing to be eager for the hard work. More so to consider ingesting or inhaling intoxicants only after practices. Not that I have to, I just find a very clear head to be quite useful for this process.

They have allowed me to take the old logo and photos for my updating ideas. The reincarnation was well received by the other three. Below, some images using the new graphics.

Credit for the capturing of these images goes to MightyDoll. Hopefully, she will continue to be our staff photographer.

Since things seem to be rolling fast in the right direction, I purchased a domain name yesterday. The website once complete will contain the usuals. News, audio samples, images, videos (as they happen) and show dates. It will be a while before the site is finished but mostly because we're way more focused on getting our material ready for the general public.

This week's goals:

test revised lyrics for previous material.

solidify new song.

repeat.

By all means, if you love music, stay tuned. I never thought the band I found would be this talented.

Happy Halloween and Happy Early HNT!

2007-10-31T10:29:00.000-04:00

This is the third year I have made a mask specifically designed to remove the face as a human element and replace it with mundane objects. The first, an electrical outlet titled, "External Validation" was by far my favorite.

Last year it was a dead-bolt lock titled "The Liberator" which worked to the same goal.

This year's mask is an addition to the family. It is called, "Drink of Me". Enjoy.

Family Reunions are tough...

2007-10-26T23:05:00.000-04:00

courtesy of fantasygoat.livejournal

Last night's audition

2007-10-20T02:14:00.000-04:00

All in all it was a shitty night. For starters I'm sick as shit. The kind where I feel like my sinuses contain hydrochloric acid. Then I had to dodge off of the mass transit system and get a cab because the TTC couldn't manage to do in an hour with a motorized vehicle a distance that I could've done in 20 minutes on my bike... Which I'd have been more than happy to do if I weren't sick. *gives finger*
And the audition? Not as bad. Just that the guitarist never showed because he has one of those kind of jobs. So instead his counterparts and I conversed for a couple hours about our influences, experience and inspiration. This would have been frustrating if the guys didn't cover my cab fare out of the kindness of their hearts. The cab's credit machine was fuct up royal but that's a whole other ranty post.
We played H. and it went well. On the plus side my singing was yet again appreciated by all. The part I like about this is that I have now had more strangers than friends comment on my voice in a positive manner. It tells me that it is a matter of time before one of these bands says, "Yeah, dude. He's the one." Not that I am nonchalant and certain about it, just that I realize that if I keep pressing in this manner, something positive will soon click.
So, that now makes two bands that I have a possibility of joining - ABO still being the other. The one I visited last night has tastes more similar to my own. Plus, they're educated and in my age group. That is hard to come by as a 29 year-old trying to break into the scene. At first they didn't believe my age. I blushed a bit and informed them that my youthful appearance is one of the reasons I think I still have time to sing rock music. With that, I think they want me on board. A second meeting has been scheduled for Saturday next.

Remember ABO? Stellar timing and heavy noise? Yeah, I barely do either. I got frustrated with waiting for a call back for the second audition they said they wanted. So I followed up:

ABO,

I've sampled a lot of bands out there since I started looking for a decent band to sing for. Of those many, ABO has their shit together the most. Stellar timing and good recordings with solid material. You guys are still my favorite so far and I still remember the high I got from belting it out at your practice... I'd love to try out again if your still searching. But if I don't fit what you're trying to fill, please tell me.

Hubris

Please tell me. I really can take the blunt message if we don't gel. I can take the rejection or whatever criticism comes my way. Luckily, that was not the message I received.

Dude,

We have been all going thru some personal shit these last few weeks...

The band and auditions have been on a temporary hiatus.

The minute we get going and I get the demo with existing lyrics on the go on another myspace (for 2 nd auditions) I will let you know and we will schedule something.

I haven't forgotten, but the band has been on a bit of a break.

That's a relief because I'm certain these guys are going to tour in their future. I hope I get to be a part of it.

Oh My God...

2007-10-17T12:02:00.000-04:00

I have an audition for a heavy prog rock band tomorrow. This band gets that writing entire songs in as little as 1 week is difficult. They just want to hear my voice.

Here's the best part. They chose a song for me to do.

H. from Ænima.

heehee. That is truly a gift :)

Parental Arbitration Overheard

2007-10-14T14:49:00.001-04:00

MC & B Discussing plans as they continue to procrastinate on their given duties:

MC: "I'm going to voodoo Aaron"

B: "How are you going to voodoo Aaron? He's not in the country. Besides, he's a good person."

Mom: "You're not going to voodoo-doll anybody until you've finished cleaning your room."

Kinda reminds me of something I'd hear in an episode of the Addams Family. I love these folks.

This week's goals:

2007-10-01T13:10:00.000-04:00

1. Love the girl

2. Have current website contract ready for testing by Tuesday morning

3. Practice Deftones set-list daily for this Sunday's try out for Deftones tribute band

4. Write witty lyrics for this Saturday's try out for metal band

5. Clean clothes

6. Love the girl

7. Finish flyer/business card contract

8. Love the girl again

My life hasn't slowed at all. Not that I thought it would with the reorganization of career and hobbies but, I am a firm believer that the whole world is in waay too big of a hurry. That is one thing I wish I didn't have to be a part of. Yet greater is the desire to meet my goals head on. To do something great or at least memorable. So I try to release my pent up frustration and anxiety about it when I get behind the mic. It works very well if even as a mere pressure release. So singing more is clearly part therapy for me but I think it also allows me to harness the energy required to make such a thing believable to an audience. Summoning...

And yeah, I know that doing work with a cover band isn't exactly memorable. One friend said to me, "No! A cover band!?" Well, as much as I do see her point, "original" is a concept that will hold more importance to me once I have more experience. Some kind of proof that I can backup my claim to being able to howl like I mean it. A familiarity with the stage. Even being recorded.

These are my driving force this week. Especially the love the girl part. I seem to need a lot of one on one time with her lately. I really appreciate that she has been patient with me and I'm looking forward to giving her a big snuggle when I get home.

Working Artist

2007-09-13T14:03:00.000-04:00

A very big goal in my life has been met.

I have spent the last 10 years wondering what I want to do with my life. Love, family and fun were easy to decide upon and good healthy work was done and continues to have come this far. MD, her children, our friends and family isn't the picture I had painted for myself when I was young and stupid, trying to predict my utopic future, but it feels in my heart what I had in mind. It is right where I want to be and I love her so much.

It is regarding career and a passion for that career that I speak of today. That ten years was mostly spent finding out the hard way what I don't want to do. Filling in the rest of that time working dead end jobs that I was more than eager to loathe is something you are all familiar with when it comes to our conversations or reading my blog. It is done. There are no more dead end jobs to speak of. No inventory or polyester shits. No shipping and receiving. No stickering of product or cycle counting. No scouring of kitchen stoves or toilets left filthy beyond gross (except my own). No more gas station clerk. Or cold calling for membership sales, selling hair dryers from gym bags, selling tires, or worst of all, flipping burgers and emptying their grease traps. All of these are jobs I have performed in the last decade. I hated every single one as well as myself for being there. Yet a new common ground has entered for all of them. They are gone.

I am now a full time working artist. All of the work in my life currently consists of both music and graphic design and nothing more. I've reported in depth about my musical aspirations and accomplishments. Now I am happy to inform that I have accepted the offered position of design and marketing coordinator within my company. Last week I was providing disgruntled inventory service and as of last Monday, I am designing and planning. It's totally fucking cool! My office has a door and 4 walls. This is a brand new feature for me and I LOVE it. I am equipped with a brand spankin new iMac boasting 3GB of RAM to support running the latest design software (Adobe Creative Suite 3) and it makes me goo. My personal office, my personal decor, my personal goal met. Time to set a new one I think.

I know this is mostly verbal masturbation, but at least I'm happy this time.

HHNT all. Thanks for reading.

Alarming Fatigue

2007-09-05T09:10:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those days were you know very well that you got enough sleep but your still just as tired as when you woke hours ago?

Coffee has not helped.

Shit is Starting to Happen (13 days remain Part III)

2007-08-31T09:32:00.000-04:00

When I downloaded the files from the band's (we'll call them ABO) myspace just shy of three weeks ago, I had to let it sit for a while. Let the music stew in my head to allow my interpretation to surface and form into lyrics and melody. I walked around with the first track coursing through my brain from my ipod for a week. Nothing. Hrm. "Well..." I thought, "maybe it'll be like my very first song with that other band." That other band was the second of the three so far. We'll call them 4 guys in Whitby. When 4 guys in Whitby sent me their song, it was on a Friday night and I had to have at least SOMEthing prepared for that Sunday afternoon. It wasn't until Sunday morning that I began to jot furiously in my notebook while humming notes into the shitty microphone in my computer. It gelled pretty quickly and went over well at the audition later that day. As far as first songs go, I thought it was alright but I found the band's ability to play much more loose and not especially my style. It was evident that they only play for fun once a week. Not for me...

The point is that the first time around, the song came easy. This second attempt was proving to be much more of a bitch. The second of my two available weeks to get this new one together had come to a close and I had a basic idea but still nothing concrete. I left work early the day before yesterday to go back into my closet and not come out until I had a solid start to finish song, shitty or not. Funny because all the while, another of ABO's songs was running through my head while I was putting the finishing touches on the one they gave me. I wrote the chorus down and it drilled its way into my memory over the next day and by the time I finished work yesterday, I had a song and a half ready when I was only asked to prepare for one.

The downside for me at that time is that though I was pleased with myself for meeting the deadline, I must confess that I hated both the lyrics and the melody that I had come up with for "Hardly Wait" (first song). I completed it and was embarrassed. I expressed this at great length to Mightydoll patient as she was. She told me not to sweat it, that it probably wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be and to just ride out the audition with it. Damn. Her support continues to move me. I heeded her advice and made it to the audition with the thought that, "Well, at least I finished it and at least I got a solid chorus that I really like for the extra song." True I wasn't too confident about it but it was to late to let that show in my face or especially my voice.

ABO seems pretty serious about their project. They rehearse 4-6 times per week and have a lot of great ideas other than the ones I worked with. They rent out a large practice room from a warehouse that has been dissected to gear itself to this exact purpose. Dozens of bands are in this one building. I've never been in a place like this before. Upon walking in, its nothing but hallways and doors with numbers. Yet, like walking backstage at some arena. Tight corridors and many band's loud noise filling the space.

I found the right door and the room was empty so I had to wait a few minutes for some of the guys show up. It only took a few minutes until I was met and invited into the room. The drummer and guitarist asked a slew of questions and chatted with me as we chilled on their couch. As I answered the same questions that two other bands had asked me, "what's your musical background, can you play an instrument, who inspires you" and all that, I looked around this fabulous room. On the walls hung posters from concerts, about a half dozen guitars and a huge dry erase board with a slew of notes. Everything from press kit costs, CD pressing costs, merchandise ideas to things as simple as finding a singer and a bassist.

During this conversation, the drummer was pleased to find that I had prepared for this. As he read what I wrote, he mentioned that it drove him crazy to place ads for weeks saying, "take our songs and make them your own. Write lyrics and melody" and then people come in and say, "Yeah, I'm just gonna wing it."

So, right about the time the second guitarist finally arrived, so did the next applicant. As I greeted the second guitarist, I overheard the next applicant say to the drummer, "I forgot my lyrics that I prepared so I'm just gonna wing it."

*snicker*

Well, if nothing else, I get points over that guy. Next applicant parked his ass on the couch during my set after I told the band that he didn't have to wait in the hall.

So it began. They started with the one I had completed and I was more than surprised to learn that I was indeed on the right track! It sounded completely justified (and vastly different) from the crappy recordings I made in my closet. We ran through that number a couple times and it was decent. What really made me feel good was the second song. The chorus running through my head the last few days was a really nice fit.

I was told by the band that I have a killer voice, that they were very pleased with the preparation I had done and I will definitely be called back for a second audition after they have had time to see the other applicants.

I left that building in a daze of exhaustion and bliss.

and then went straight to the jam night at my local pub to sing my ass off all over again.

thanks for reading.
love,
HH

Audition #1 of 3rd Band (13 days remain Part II)

2007-08-28T11:26:00.000-04:00

HUBRIS- "2 weeks it has been. when is good for you?"

ABO- "Well we are open for tues and or wed if u can make either night for 30-45
mins jam? We tend to do two auditions per night, we are really giving everyone a shot."

HUBRIS- "is Wednesday at 7:30 okay?"

ABO- "111 Hockey Avenue, northwest corner at Blubber and Bouffant. Room 33 is our jam space."

HUBRIS- "Sweeeet. Looking forward to it."

ABO- "Awesome, you're still down for tomorrow right? We have two auditions tomorrow, so we have about an hour with you and then someone coming at 9 which my other guitarist booked.... Looking forward to it man!"

HUBRIS- "Seriously I'm fuckin psyched! Is your practice space bike friendly? 8 pm right? Look for the kinda blonde guy. Here's my cell if you need to get ahold of me. xxx-xxx-xxxx
cheers,
Nick"

This band is expecting that I have prepared for one of their songs. That is half of what I'm ready for. I took the liberty of downloading another of their songs that I happen to like better and I have set lyrics and melody to that one as well. They are a heavy act and listening to their recorded tracks, it is my hope that they are just as tight live. After all, I'm not the only one auditioning. They are auditioning for me as well. Further reports to follow of course.

Love,
HH

Happy Anniversary to Me

2007-08-23T12:02:00.000-04:00

Today marks my the beginning of my 5th year of living in Canada!

In a phone conversation with my sister last night, she confided as she does every time we talk on the phone, that she misses me and wishes that I did not live so far away. I informed her that the rest of my family out here in Reasonable Healthcare Land felt otherwise. I know my sister understands this, but that doesn't keep her from missing me terribly.

13 Days Remain

2007-08-13T09:12:00.000-04:00

This band has responded to my inquiries about singing for them. My samples have been sent. They responded by saying,
"So tell you what,
Come down prepared with lyrics and melodies to Hardly wait, we play it the way it was recorded, we jam a few times and see how that song goes... And judging fromt hat we'll move from there.
Please note we are a heavy rock loud band, the singer for this band will have power and projection to his voice.
We need a singer who can not only sing, but project his voice on key.
Please focus on Hardly wait, make it your own lyrically and melodically with vocals, come in and wow us, and remember we are looking for a loud projected voice to soar over top of our music.
Get back to us when you're done, let's say in the next 2 weeks....
I just don't want to leave this hanging long as we have auditions this week, but at the same time, your mission is to impress the shit out of us right?
So yeah let me know when you're ready"

*Drags laptop to closet and closes door*

Included in this week's goals: a guitar playing friend of mine is going to come over and aid me with recording the song I have written, or at least the chord progression, I have roaming through my head so that I can lay some lyrics and melodies to it.

Also scheduled, I am meeting as many as two different other bands, both at Jam night this week, to talk music and potentially singing for their bands.

I wonder if it still remains to be seen wether I want it or not...

In Fair Toronto Where We Lay Our Scene...

2007-07-24T14:45:00.000-04:00

Nameless Computer Company incorrectly ships an expensive laptop to our store. The destination was clearly not supposed to be our address. We call Nameless Computer Company and inform them of the problem. We also call Mr. X at Computer Retailer Elsewhere Far and let them know that Nameless Computer Company is not only nameless but brainless and that we have his machine which he may pick up at any time. You're welcome.

Mr. X at Computer Retailer Elsewhere Far gets in his vehicle and travels 4 hours to our destination to pick up his mis-delivered machine as suggested. Upon arrival, he is highly disgruntled and very inappropriate to me and my colleagues. I inform him that my protocol is strictly to ensure that the right machine has finally reached the right person and can he please sign a photocopy of the packing slip (he gets the original), leave a business card bearing his name and business and lastly, show photo identification proving his claim. To this, he declares that I am, "A miserable little shit. This is fucking bullshit. I just drove four hours etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc..."

To this, our retail manager forces him out of our establishment telling him that if this were not a place of business, the consequences for such misplaced abuse would be far more severe.

Its times like these that I am reminded why I no longer wish to work in a manner that directly relates to customers.

Also? Dear Mr. X at Computer Retailer Elsewhere Far,

I have words of advice to aid you with your future encounters with any actual human beings out there:

Kill yourself.

This is not a joke. If you cannot realize who fucked up your order and further cannot understand that making you sign and prove your identity means insurance for BOTH you AND my company and that by doing so, we are doing you a service, your problem is much larger and more deeply seeded than is apparent on your surface. Perhaps you do not consume enough roughage to remain regular. I have just the best home remedy for you. Drink at least a quart of Drano. Kerosene would work too. Yup. That's right. Alternately, I recommend chewing thoroughly and swallowing a 4 ft florescent bulb so that your rotting insides are scraped clean with enough abrasive digging action to cure us of your continued existence.

Lastly, should you choose to heed my advice, please do not procreate before following through. I really wouldn't want to have to write this letter twice.

Most Sincerely,
Hubris Humility

Updates, Impatience and the Stunning High of Singing Live

2007-07-19T08:58:00.000-04:00

First off, Happy HNT. The blue hair was fun but it fades so quickly. I think next time I'll try another brand of dye. After a week of not refreshing the colour, it had become kind of a moldy green. Initially when I bleached it off, it did exactly what I had hoped which was to be blonde as phuck with neat highlights of green. That too has faded and now its looks like this:

Many things have been progressing in these dreamy endeavors since I last wrote.

Despite a financial crisis as of late, I have been reorganizing priorities and goals. Keeping my heart set on where I want to be. Repairing the classical guitar as I had meant to do, has been put aside for a while. I have replaced this goal with practicing guitar regardless of stupid frets. It has become at least a 30 minute per day activity. Clear tones are still difficult to make but my muscle memory to hit chord changes in time is getting far better. Calluses have begun to develop on the tips of my fingers which really helps with the soreness after practice. With playing around with different chord shapes around the fret board, I have been finding chords I didn't think I knew and in some cases, even recognizing the names thanks to my continued study of music theory while on the public transit system.

Here's a part I am really excited about. With playing simple chord changes without trying to mimic a song, I have found a chord progression that I do not recognize. It has become my first song. It is early stages 100% and certainly not finished but it has begun and it is from my mind and fingers. Now. Every song is ten other songs for sure. I'm not breaking musical ground here. It may be that when someone hears it, they will instantly be reminded of a similar song. So be it. That happens all the time... Unless you're Efrim Menuck. And seriously, if you have time for the second half of this song, by all means, indulge. I'd take the beating of my life to be allowed to sing for this man. I may have linked these before but I don't recall... Anyway, I'm sure you get the tremendous influence that he and his cohorts have impressed upon me.

So, practicing guitar is going well. Also with Jam Nights! The last two jam nights at the Unicorn, just steps away from my house, have been stellar! Two weeks ago, the guitarist, says to me, "Here's my number. Give me a call-- NO! Harass me and tell me what songs you want to do that coming Wednesday." *blink blink* Sweet :D They like me enough that they look forward to playing songs outside their regular set. So I called just a couple days before the Jam that happened a week ago and let him know that I'd really like to do Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains, Sober by Tool and Somebody Told Me by The Killers.

That Wednesday came and during their first set (first of three), normally reserved for just them on stage, they asked for requests to which I shouted, "SUCK MY KISS!" (Chili Peppers for you non rock lovers out there). The bassist looks at me and touches his throat and says, "I can play it but aahh! my voice is a little twitchy today. Do you know the words?" *pff* "You betcha." *internally thinking, "is the pope catholic"* "Well come on up and show us then." *Hubris glee ensues* He adds, "Alright everyone, this is a little out of our normal rotation but y'all gotta hear this guy." I blush as I unwrap the mic from the stand. I missed only the beginning of the second verse but the rest went flawlessly and the growing crowd approved loudly at the end. Immediately following this the guitarist says, "Well as long as we got you here is there something you'd like us to play?" "Down in a Hole, thanks." This one went much better. I love hitting notes like that. Vocal sex.

Following that song, they asked me to do two others that I had either never sang before or at least hadn't sang since I was 17 years old. Black Hole Sun and... fuck what was the other... Ah. Alive by Pearl Jam. Although it was evident that it was my first time singing those last two live, they were still well received by the crowd and the band was delighted that I could complete what they wanted to do.

So last night we covered Sober - Tool, Somebody Told Me - Killers, Down in a Hole - AIC and Black - Pearl Jam. The latter two of the four went very well. Sober, which I really wanted to nail, didn't bomb but didn't connect either. I was so psyched that I actually got to do it that I went from the first verse straight into the chorus skipping the shit out of the bridge. Ah, well. That said, the remainder of the song went the way it should have. Next time Gadget. Next Time.

It really doesn't help that the attractive wait staff and I share similar musical tastes ;) More than this, I love it. Intensely. I love it even more when others love it with me. At the last three jam nights I have attended, I have been asked by different strangers if I am currently singing for a band. So far, I can only reply that no, I am not. I listen for those key parts of conversation that allow for networking and name spreading so that I can rectify that. I also peruse craigslist frequently to see what people are looking for and if it suits what I want to do.

I'm still waiting to hear from the band that I visited a month ago. The interview went well as did the small examples I gave of my singing as the guitarist played his material. I ask if he wants to meet for drinks sometime and quietly slip in the fact that I am waiting to hear back from him and that I am still very interested. This of a sort that isn't over the top. I think once per two weeks is enough to get the point across without annoying the shit out of him. I keep in contact with him because he seems like a straight up kinda guy. I expect that he would tell me if I wasn't in the running because that is exactly what he said he'd do before we even met. It stands that I believe I have a great shot so far for the same reasons - he was impressed and told me so adding that if he wasn't he'd have the balls to say so to my face - but I must admit that I am growing a little impatient. He certainly has as busy a schedule as all of us and he wants to visit all options before making a decision. Fair enough. However, I originally thought that I should let this opportunity pan out before continuing the search for a band. I am beginning to think otherwise. The more folks who hear my singing, the more I realize I'm not starting from the bottom. I have stage presence, excellent pitch and control. And I cannot wait to practice with an original act and play a real show.

Brutal

2007-07-12T12:57:00.000-04:00

Well. Words broke. Here. Have instead a post called: Bored at Work #752

HHNT From HH

Faces of Clarity - An Easy Book to Read

2007-07-04T15:42:00.000-04:00

My face. Its expressions. My eyes and the directions they wander. All of it is open. Perfectly clear for all to read. No exceptions. If you think I'm feeling a certain way that I am not, it is because you simply didn't look at my face. Didn't study for a brief moment what it tells you. Its not that I willfully make myself this way - so open, so vulnerable. Its that my face and eyes within will quite honestly betray everything that I wish to play close to my chest.

I have been told this is a good thing but I am not so sure. I have been emotionally compared to dogs. That forlornness you can see in their eyes, the way their body moves when they are happy or excited, the tail under their legs when they feel inferior or frightened. Tell tails. My own set of emotions rage and change so quickly. They spike from extreme to extreme - an ocean motion printed simple and bold like a child's storybook across the muscles and skin that I show to the world each day. My employers sense the depression, fatigue and boredom. They do not yet fire me because I show up and deliver enough productivity. My lover can tell when I am upset or cranky even when I try my damnedest to get over it or keep it to myself for fear of taking it out on her or the kids.

The fuct up part about this is that almost everyone I speak with regularly can read me this way. It is not a two way street either. I cannot yet read them in turn. I've been told that I am way too easy to convince. Unfortunate if you ask me because if I am so easy to convince, then I am largely accepting what people say and taking it at face value. Why shouldn't I? Oh. Right. The lies, fibs, good intentions never to be followed through upon, the misinformation, the assumptions, the uneducated guesses and even the un-educated guesses. Strange to think I am the one who needs to adjust to discern all this shit. Like my value or the value of my skills. Like wether I'll be told if I make the cut for an audition as opposed to never receiving a call. How to do things and how to live my life. I wonder that I may be receptive to everyone's suggestions because I don't feel I've really gotten it right so far. What to learn to increase my job worth... The list could clearly go on.

So what's the big fucking secret that nobody knows yet so may seem to connect with? Like getting a good job. To me, I wonder where to begin. So I ask. I take it for truth. "Go get a degree." Okay, did that. No job. So I ask others because all the books and internet will tell me is to network *gives finger to nepotism and other time honored practices* Others say, "Here is where you are now, where do you want to be? Here's how to get there... You will have to commit all free time. Other hobbies and interests shall be cast aside. This is what I had to do so surely it is how you should do it too."

You had me buying that shit. For a night, I believed that you were right and that your way is the path for me. I have a lover. She is willing to shake me and be stubbornly point out how I accept what I am told. Though I could be making the same assumptions from what she tells me, the difference is that I trust her implicitly.

Quite honestly, I still have never found a job I WANT to do. What I want to do is own a home with no fucking by-laws and rules about where and when I can cook raw meat outdoors. I WANT to work for ENOUGH pay to stay out of work as much as possible and still afford getting out of debt, groceries, road trips and beer runs. Still, since I was little, they all ask, "But what do you WANT TO BE?"

A singer. Can we now please move on to a way to actually make enough time and money while I try to be a fucking singer?

Myself and friends and lovers have wanted to be one of the following:

A rock singer
An author
A philosopher
An actor
A director
A poet
A painter
A comic book writer

Buy a lotto ticket. It may be as easy to do these things for a living.

I didn't choose rock singer because I want to shirk real jobs though that is a perk if you're selling enough. I chose it because even without practice, without gigging or recording, without much progress of any kind so far, I'm better at it than anything that has ever captured my brief or full interest. The designer, the inventory specialist, the customer service agent, the carpenter, the house cleaner. All these are skills of various levels within my talent. None compare to the ability and enthusiasm I can spit at you from behind a mic. It makes me happy. In fact, the last time I came home from Jam Night, MD said that I smelled like sex. I was that ecstatic.

BTW, happy 4th of July for all you non-ex-patriots out there.

Music: Quarantined - At The Drive In

Jam Nights

2007-06-28T18:24:00.000-04:00

The jam nights at my local watering hole is becoming a great wad of fun for all things rock singer. The first time was about a month ago. It was sheer bliss. I picked three songs they knew and poof. I was singing for a live band before a very small audience. Mad props ensue from the band, the bar employees and other patrons. *nut*

So I go back last week. MD and her mum joined me for this excursion and I was totally buzzing and vibrating from the excitement. I got there at 9:30 sharp, the usual start time. I picked a seat close to the front. I spoke to the band about what they could play that night and let them clearly know that I was pumped and looking forward to doing this again. They spend the first hour, as they normally do, playing their own set. Their first break begins and I'm even more buzzy. Soon :D

Second set begins and they call up some of the fantastic musicians and singers from their friend's birthday party happening on one side of the bar. Damn, this one chick had a set of pipes perfect for a stunning Janis Joplin tune. After an hour, the second set ends and the band takes another break. bzzzzzz. Very soon :D

It was damn near the middle of the third set that I began to grow impatient. After all, MD & her mum are now tired enough to want to go home. They considered doing so and catching up with me there but they stayed. By then I was quite pissed because they have now brought every fucking person in the bar to arrive after me on stage to jam. I had been waiting for three and a half hours right in front of them for a turn at the mic. Nothing. Clearly, getting there first and immediately talking to the band is not enough to get them to realize that I was even there. I was furious. Right about the time I see the drummer disassembling his kit, I take it upon myself to go up there and ask the bassist, "Next week I guess!?" He looked surprised and replied, "Oh shit!! We didn't get you up here!?" Me, "No. No you didn't"
He then spewed forth with apologies and how embarrassings and surely next week and we shook hands and said goodnight. I was still very crushed and pissed but I gave them the benefit of doubt and slept it off. MD was so kind and patient to me. Consolling and supportive.

Then, just last Wednesday, I return to the jam night determined to get my ass up there to be seen and heard. I still encountered a hefty wait time but it was all better for sure. I sang Rooster by Alice in Chains and that went okay for the most part. The thing that really got me off was finding out that they knew Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine. They played it very well and for that, I fucking nailed it. Not a beat missed. Weird too because I had not performed that song since I was 16 years old standing in as singer for Sonus Ex Machina's band in his parents garage on his birthday. For all this, the manager of the bar gives me a hug and cheers! Many patrons of that bar as well as the band were loudly giving their approval and the waitress I had that night said, "That was fucking awesome! You rocked out with your cock out!" and then proceeded to buy us each a shot for us to slam together.

It seems I do have what it takes. I cannot tell you how incredible it feels to do this. I'm really looking forward to finding a band.

Dziener Apparel Open For Business

2007-06-27T06:49:00.000-04:00

I also design prints for apparel as well as try to sing for rock music, try to be a web designer, etc etc. This is available in many sizes and colours. I found it funny when it occurred to me. Hell, if you like it enough, you may even want one for yourself. *shameless plug*

For those of you who's sport utility vehicle requires no gasoline. Click the link to see.

Dziener Apparel

The First Tryout

2007-06-26T10:37:00.000-04:00

It was really lucky that I got his message and showed up early. By the time I would have arrived after a full day of work, his girlfriend had come home with a nauseous tummy and needed quiet. Fortunately, we had finished by then. I felt pretty confident that I delivered comfortably and acted myself. We basically chit chatted about music and about what they're looking for. He said that I sounded like Maynard on Parabola and like Jack White on Seven Nation Army and they sounded really good. Before playing me a few of his tracks, he said he wanted me to sing for him in the way that I sound like. Without influence. I'm pretty sure I pulled that off :D He said that I am very good and recognizes that despite no formal training, I can stay in key without a problem. He further added that he has no problem being blunt and if he didn't think I might fit, he'd have ended the visit much sooner. I'm 1 of 10 who contacted them and the first of 5 that they wish to see. Either way, he'll let me know wether I am invited back for a practice.

Wish Me Good Show

2007-06-25T14:25:00.001-04:00

Cuz I hear its bad to wish someone good luck... I don't know why. So.

Today, I am riding over to the East side of Toronto to try out for a band. They sound pretty serious. 2 of the members have been signed before. They're looking to be gig ready by the fall. The guitarist's goal is to be one of those opening acts that blows everyone away and upstages the headliner. He thinks I have what it takes based on the files that I sent. Same ones that y'all heard.

*crosses fingers*

HH

Beautiful Gifts

2007-06-19T11:34:00.000-04:00

I am one of the very few people that I know who has a father who is not a deadbeat, abusive, estranged, a workoholic, an alcoholic, cold, uncaring or indifferent. I have great love and respect for him and his methods used to raise me into the man that I am today. His name is David. He is kind, affectionate, patient, gentle, logical and loving. Working 2 full time jobs as I grew up, he still made time to play inside and outside with me. He made it to many of my sports events. He continues to encourage my artistic talents and choices. While he is not a perfect man, he is very much the father that I hope to be someday.

I do not have any biological children of my own and it is rather unlikely that I will. What I do have is Mightydoll and her children. They have grown to be my immediate family and I love them as such. Their real father is a good father to both B and MC and I am in no way a replacement of him. Simply an addition of the parental structure attached to MD and they look up to me in that way.

B, her son, is now 8 years old and is a very bright and wildly creative boy. His capacity to take in information and retain it is quite fascinating to watch. He's a sponge for all that captures his interest. I particularly love is morbid sense of humor. He likes contorting his G.I. Ken into a severely awkward pose turning it into his 'Zombie Ken'. Another thing I find very funny is how several times per week I can hear him wandering through the house humming the Imperial March from Star Wars. His drawings are imaginative and highly detailed. Especially if the subject is either a superhero or a supervillan. I look forward to seeing what he does in the future with these attributes. He takes a long time to warm up to people in his life but he has recently come to trust me enough to be a little affectionate. Its very warming.

MC, her daughter, just turned 6 and a bit to Mightydoll's concerned amusement, is in love with all things pink, pretty and princess. Mightydoll had been the tomboy growing up and she finds it strange how with parents that were outcasts and punks, her daughter is the princess loving popular kid in her class. She is intensely sweet and even cuter. She knows it. Like her brother she too is an incredibly fast learner and lover of crafts. She is much more affectionate than her brother. She loves family snuggles and when we cross the street together, she takes my hand. When there isn't much to say, I sometimes shoot a smile her way and it is always returned. Occasionally, she will request that I read her a bedtime story as opposed to her mother. Like her brother, it is very warming.

This to me represents a beginning of an opportunity to be to Mightydoll's children as my father was for me. A caring loving and patient man. I think I need the most work on patience (thanks, Mom). The reason this for this post is that something happened for the first time ever to me this morning. I was given a Father's Day card from B and MC. *cue melting into pool of Nick butter* For the first time, my father and I have this in common. There is nothing today that could have made me happier.

Words Ring True

2007-06-18T12:07:00.000-04:00

"This blog was pretty shitty. Sorry to break it to you, but I don't think you're on your way. Not with blogs like this one. Write another blog. In this next blog put just as much thought an energy into all of things you can do. Set out a plan and a single goal for the month... Set small obtainable goals that will help you toward your ultimate goal of being a rockstar. I don't want to read anymore blogs about what you can't do. Thats bullshit! And if you sit there and focus on the things you say can't happen, you'll paralyze yourself. Here's a crazy thought. You can do it. Here's something even crazier. You already know how. You don't need any pointers from anyone on how to do things. Just set some small monthly goals. When they are obtained, set a new goal that makes logical and progessive sense. Soon, you'll be the one that people are asking for advice. Above all, don't sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Be like the squirrel."

LSD had this to say in reply to my previous post. I find these kind of criticisms most helpful because they clarify just how mush ass sitting I really do. The more of my peers that point this out so bluntly, the more I wish to conquer my tendency to not discipline myself.

The things that are the most important to me in my life right now are continuing to build a good relationships with MD and her children, learning enough web skills to quit my day job and work from home, exercise every day, learn to read and write music, learn guitar and ultimately, sing for a rowdy band. These are either continuing or long term goals.

So far, I believe I'm doing okay in dedicating myself in my relationship with MD and being a good stepfather to MD's children. So far, I get good exercise at least 5 days a week. I ride by bike to and from work almost everyday and I climb during lunches about 3 times per week.

To allow for a greater focus on music and singing, I believe that learning web skills will be the fastest way to simultaneously increase my income and decrease my working hours. To do this, I must allocate many free hours after work and on weekends to go to Othercat's place to work on websites. Fortunately, this learning experience is paid and that quite well. Every time we are finished for the day, I ask when we can do it again. So far so good. I have 7.5 hours logged with another few to happen this evening. Dedicating this much time to this learning experience does require a sacrifice from more fun activities such as spending direct time with MD or going to karaoke to practice in public. So, in a way, I have to set some of the musical endeavors aside so that I can prepare to dive in later. What I don't have to set aside are things like studying music theory or guitar practice. Those types of things can be done while spending an evening with the girl. After all, she loves to read, yes? It should work well. A couple hours of theory and practice per week will definitely make great building blocks in the background.

The goal structure is in place, now I just need to break it down. Carry the acorns to my nest one at a time. As far as cash goes, a lot should pan out either when the Othercat's check comes and or when September comes. Borrowed amounts will be repaid to my credit card and MD might find work during school hours.

I'd say that my first monthly goal is to repair the frets on the classical guitar so that I can practice simple scales effectively. I think I can do this before the end of the month. Steve's music and Long & McQuade are both open until 9pm on Thursdays and Fridays. Plenty of time to get there after work. I might even be able to get a repair quote from both places on the same day.

HH

Experienced Veteran Equipped with Arrogance

2007-06-15T14:25:00.001-04:00

Obstacles with breaking into the music industry are without number. A no-brainer thought to come across I'm sure, but discouraging none the less.

First, I know I'm an amateur. Truly and completely. I have never written a song. I have never played a gig. What I know is that I do have an untrained voice with talent and potential. As soon as I learn how to breathe without going hoarse in as little as three songs, my voice will be stage ready. What I also know is that despite an entire lack of experience, I have a decent stage presence. My nervousness is waning. I don't get up there and recite a song, standing still, emotionless, with a mic in my face like I'm giving an oral presentation on complex math equations. I let the music move my body, even throw it, as I give it all I have. Full pipes and full emotion. I don't care if its karaoke or a jam night in a shitty bar. I want the people there to stop their conversations, stop sipping their drinks and notice me if even for only a few seconds. I know I can do this because I've seen it before. It has been relayed to me by friends who are there watching. Best of all, strangers tell me. Not many, but enough to know I'm not crazy. One guy I met at the bar has played gigs before and he was very surprised to learn that I have not done so myself.

Second, I don't have a budget to get even simple things that will make low-budget home recordings a reality. I'm in debt right now. I cannot justify buying a condenser mic ($180), an audio interface ($300-$500 depending on quality of sound) and software to work with my machine (don't even ask how much). Instead, to record ideas that I have, I'm perusing ebay to find a Griffin iTalk - a recording attachment that will work with my 3rd Gen iPod. No luck on winning a reasonable bid yet. The two guitars I want to buy are still borrowed. Their combined cost is $375 and the classic guitar (one of the two) has been in my possession with the intention of buying it for nearly a year now. To top it off, until I get up to speed with the website education I'm working on, I cannot afford enough time in the week to practice with these toys and make any real progress.

Third, I know I have no idea how to manage a band, lead a band or even get a decent band to notice me. At work, there is a guy who works next to me who is a guitarist and has been for twenty years and counting. He plays and leads his bands and has been doing that for years as well. I try to pick his brain to get good ideas on how to solve the obstacles above and all I really get are answers that clearly tell me that I'm nothing but a joke to him. *gives finger* Granted, he is not the font of knowledge on the subject of music, but all I want is some pointers without being made to feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm already there, you can take your boot off of my face now. To make his arrogance worse, if he's that good and that above me, then why does he need to work in a shipping department to make ends meet? I shouldn't care, but it kinda hurts all the same. Lastly, there is no way I'm giving up because of a guy like him. I'm just bummed out by it is all.

Someday, I will sing for a band that plays originals that I like and helped write. I will tour and play shows in public. I will record an album. It is my wildest dream.

HATRED ALLOWED

2007-06-13T11:19:00.000-04:00

I can no longer abide by the way you treat those around you. No more can I tolerate your inconsistency. Your retroactive changes to ensure your righteousness. Your hypocritical mouth makes me want to vomit. You have become a filthy joke that offends the earnest efforts of those who aid you. We have been kind and accommodating. We have been patient as we wait for you to rise up to the challenges before you. You have failed. Failed everyone around you. We are sick of your inadequacies. Frustrated and angry.

Your efforts, the ones you have told me of countless times, are transparent. Nothing more than window dressing to save your own skin. It is a show for those who observe your behavior and ability. Your ideals are obsolete. Your philosophies are nothing applicable to the daily expectations before you. You're a fake. A plastic replication of someone decent and competent. A preprogramed parrot with a rank.

And yes, it would in fact, bring this normally passive person great satisfaction to harm you with impunity. Even joy to degrade you and reduce you to the earth crawling creature I perceive you to be. As I walk behind your turned back I look at your body, constantly reading the best place to land a hard blow. I am comfortable with this now because I have done everything in my power to accommodate and perform properly for you. To ignore the gross unfairness emanating from your mouth and actions. Know this. Consequence is the only thing that holds back my kinetic limbs. They want to ruin you. Cripple you.

Rejection Letter #2 - Plus bad news: Return to Start

2007-05-23T00:43:00.001-04:00

Hi Hubris,

We really appreciate you coming out to meet us last week. For aspiring musicians, it's always good to meet like-minded people who share the same taste and goals. Having said that, we're a little weary of a few issues that we've talked about as a band. First, logistically it might be a little difficult to pull off the commuting every Saturday - especially if you'll be needing to work on Saturdays. Second, we know you can sing, but we're concerned about the lack of song-writing experience. We've had a few singers in the past who had a lot of trouble creating melodies and understanding song structures, and we're looking for a singer who can take control of a song, deconstruct it's parts, and turnaround a melody that is in tune with the song elements, tone, key(s), and dynamics.

I hope you can understand, as these aren't easy choices for us. We wish you luck with your musical endeavors, as you are one of the few people we've met who seems to have the drive and the passion for making music.

Thanks again for interest, and take care.

Sincerely,
RFM

This is issue #1. I'll get to the second wad of shit-stink in a minute. Okay. Band #2 on a very short list of local artists that have captured my interest is not onboard with what I have to offer. Fair enough. Their letter was particularly kind and encouraging. Also, discouraging if you still follow me here... When traveling out there by greater Toronto transit, all I could do was marvel at the stunning amount of time that it took me to get out there to meet them. 1:15 hours each way. Their time concern was certainly mine as well, however I was willing to give it a shot. I'm very accommodating about schedules when it comes to things of this personal importance. Yet they're right about the worky on weekend horseshit. I have pretty much the whole month of June Saturdays booked either out of town or making up the hours for going out of town.

I appreciate that they acknowledge my current level of skill and my passion to pursue this. I agree. Not because I'm hot shit - I'm not - because they see something in me that I just recently became aware of myself. I feel it. It is enormous and wants to escape. First it needs refining.

Wow. You hit the shit out of that ball! Go back home, Rookie.

I just started. By all reasonable accounts I have years to go. Still their concerns for song-writing experience, while more than understandable, still cut. I can't try if I have no music. I can only write. Hmmm. I do in fact have a song. The one from Rejection #1. Damn. I still feel bummed about that one. Mostly due to my belief that they are closer to the future with their music rather than the past. Perhaps, though I was rejected, I should finish that one. After all, they haven't found a singer yet as far as I can tell. I come to this rather than search anew or return to practice with the band I started because I learned tonight that our guitarist is walking. No reason given and done so via facebook. Very High School break up, no? So yeah, thats shit-stink #2. No prospects in sight and not even a fledgling group to jam with. Return to start and may as well lose a turn while we're at it. To learn these both in one night has been extremely disappointing. I'm taking it rather well. I feel stuff inside, but I'm more interested in what I might do by tomorrow night in order to change this course. I can write enough lyrics to map out that tune. In addition, meet with guy at work for another lesson in Music Theory. Other goals can wait.

The perfectionist in me urges me to wait until what I have to write sounds good enough for me. Fuck me that's been a boring chore. Like pondering the conversations of garden stones. Lets try writing anything and piecing the thoughts together at a later time instead. How about all things music during free time? Can I get away with that or even will myself to do it? I suppose if I can't even go all the way on something that I finally have a passion for, then why not choose something easier and mundane? Maybe I'm so used to being disinterested with everything over the last 15 years that I forgot how. It mixes with difficulties with discipline I have no doubt. I don't finish things for one reason or another. Like this post

Questions About Death - As Inspired by Natalia

2007-05-17T12:15:00.000-04:00

Nat, you are one of my favorite reads. *bear hugs*

What do you think happens after you die?
I will be food for the small crawlers of the Earth. Some will morn my passing and others will rejoice. The rest will take no notice. I hope that I have a consciousness of some kind. As tired as I am sometimes, an awareness greater than the span of what my body is capable would be preferred.

Do you believe in heaven?
I believe in enlightenment but I don't think that is the same. As far as the religious concepts of heaven, not a chance. I do not believe that God is up there floating on clouds riding a throne of gold. I do not believe that a team of naked virgins await to please my cock if I die just so. I do not believe that there is a magical mystical place where angelic choirs sing the praise of the One Creator constantly. If there is such a place and I am horribly wrong AND after saying all this I'd still be welcome there, I'm willing to bet I'd be bored to tears and in all probability, fling myself off of my 9th level cloud and swan dive into the sea miles below. Then again, heaven may be each to their own... I think my heaven would consist of being allowed a few years to haunt the living and then rest forever. This life can be so exhausting.

Do you believe in hell?
On Earth, yes. Beyond that, it is a construct only made real by human ways of interpreting the ever changing meanings of good, bad and behaviors that are attributed to either.

Do you think you will be judged after you die?
Only if we judge ourselves. Hrm... Similar to what goes on in Shiji's head at the End of Evangelion :)

How many people will attend your funeral?
87. Duh...

Would you rather that people cry or laugh at your funeral?
What they remember of me will determine this. I prefer laughter as it is my favorite thing to do for people.

What's better: A shot in the head or downing pills?
OOOoo! Morphine pills, if you please :D

What should be written on your tombstone?
Nick D.
True Lover & Best Friend
Silly & Childlike
Decent Singer
Spectacular Fuck

Would you rather die childless or divorced?
What the hell kind of question is this? Suddenly those who have children never get divorced? *sigh* Fine. I am divorced already. Are you happy now? Also? Likely that I'll die childless. I like children and I do get the instinctive message to procreate but for various reasons, I don't think its in the cards. So, perhaps both.

Do you want to die in the morning, afternoon, or night?
I'm afraid I cannot begin to pick one. It really won't matter.

If you had a million dollars to leave, who would you leave it to?
25% to my sister, 50% to MD, and the rest to her children.

What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?
don't care. As long as they are potted and won't wither to their doom along with my corpse. I hate that about funerals.

On your deathbed, which moment will you most remember?
I hope to remember as many beautiful moments as possible. There will never be just one that I can choose.

Have you ever watched someone die?
Many people. Many times. It was very traumatic at first. Strange how quickly it became part of my work day that was accepted. I was the guy who responded to cardiac and respiratory arrests with IV pumps at the ready. All I was to do is stand by and watch until the doctors or nurses needed me.

What's the most gruesome death you can imagine?
Torture for sure. Or burning to death.

How often do you think about death?
Every time my sister calls with any kind of urgency in her voice. It triggers a mental preparation that my father has died from a heart attack. Also, it triggers pondering my mortality.

Is fear of dying your number one fear?
No. My number one fear is not living my life as a good, full loving individual free from the horrible things that we all have the capacity to become. Abusive, hateful, vengeful, greedy, vain and narcissistic.

Do you believe in reincarnation?
Not sure... It would be nice I guess. I haven't really thought about it as an important part of my beliefs.

Have you ever wished someone you loved were dead?
I've wondered at great length how my life would change if they did, but never have I wished it upon someone I love. My ex was in this category and after flashbacking so many times, I believe these thoughts occurred to me because I didn't know how to otherwise handle her subversive or rather subconscious projection of intolerance, disappointment and unhappiness. Nor did I grok how to deal with my own similar projections onto her.

Do you consider life short or long?
When I'm tired of trying to keep up with how busy life gets, long. Otherwise happy, too short.

Do you think you have a soul?
Definitely. If I didn't, the terrible things I see people do to each other and this planet wouldn't hurt so badly.

Assisted suicide for a terminally ill person is:
A humane and ethical choice that belongs to the ill or closest coherent kin.

If you were cremated, where would you like your ashes?
I want my ashes to be mixed with rich soil and used to plant a tree. Preferably on the property I own at time of death.

Would you choose to be immortal if you could be?
Fuck yes. On the condition that my apparent age would be no greater than 29.

What do you think of Ouija boards?
Boring and hokey.

godfuckingdammit

2007-05-16T17:19:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with a headhunter interested in my resume for a 35K design job on the outskirts of Markham. Upon learning that I don't own a car, she immediately lost interest and ended the conversation.

*sighs and gives finger to no one*

Congratulations on your non-willingness to destroy our breathing air. Let us reward this progressive action with a non-willingness to acknowledge other transportation options. G'bye.

One of the many reasons I love you:

2007-05-16T10:30:00.000-04:00

voicemail from Mightydoll on an otherwise difficult morning in the fight against anxiety and depression:

"Good news to brighten up your day! Jerry Falwell died last night! Love ya." *click*

How could I not love this woman?

Critique with Brutal Honesty

2007-05-10T10:06:00.000-04:00

Headphones recommended. Thank you very much for your time.

A Capella cover of Parabol - Tool

Love,

HH

Rejection

2007-05-09T09:23:00.000-04:00

to me 9:50 pm (11 hours ago)

"Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I wanted to give the whole band a
chance to listen to what you had done. Me and the band went over what you
sent and we arent sure you are what we are looking for. I do hope for the
best for you and your music though! don't get discouraged. you'll find the
right musicians!

Peace buddy and thanks for the interest. It really means a lot"

-The Isosceles Project

*sigh*

Fuck...

Bored...

2007-05-03T08:55:00.000-04:00

That's right.

It causes the very worst in behavior at the workplace. Runs rampant you see. What's a boy to do? Well, I'll tell you. This story starts as most good stories do. With a disclaimer... :)

DISCLAIMER!:

1. If you employ me, have employed me or are planning to employ me, everything you read here is absolutely and most strictly for the purposes of reader entertainment and are entirely fictional in nature.

1.1 The anecdotes and ridiculous rants recounted here in no way represent my work ethic nor do they necessarily represent my levels of discipline, general attitude toward work or even me as a person.

1.2 If you have been reviewing my performance and have found the results to be disappointing in any way, I can assure you that there are at least half a dozen completely legitimate reasons and justifications for my actions and level of output.

1.3 This post was in no way, written during regular work hours.

2. Every job I have ever worked for so far falls into the category of "transitional position." As such, I fully realize that I accepted these positions for employment. I ultimately have no one to blame for my boredom other than my immediate need for financial resources with which to support my life and the lives of those I love. Certainly NOT myself.

So, some say that boredom sets into the boring mind. To some extent I agree. I'd like to add to that by saying boredom sets also into the forgetful mind. I simply forget what I want with my life when I leave the workplace (unless its a practice night). Worky is far more detestable during rather than when I leave. All I can think about is something else. I busy myself with the tasks presented to me and I push through them. Just like when I start at the top of the driveway and shovel my way down, by the time I'm at the end of the drive, my shovel is so heavy and full that I can''t push any longer. I'll then start to play with icicles or begin building a snow fort or ponder the mystery of yellow snow. Distracted once again. Damn... Where was I?

No, this runs even deeper than simple A.D.D. Honestly? I'm too smart for this shit. Give "employee A" "job b" and ensure that it is such that he cannot improve efficiency by altering process. This, to me, adds up to micromanaged horse shit. Like in school, "Just copy from the text what we want and you get a good grade."

Why should I care? Just because I'm paid? Hrmm... most of the time, yes, but this can definitely overpower the incentive of regular income. Calculating cost averages. Creating return documents. Purchase orders. Emailing problems to others. Emailing solutions to others. Following up with reminder emails for both cases because they didn't bother the first, second, third or even fourth time you reminded them. Always having to follow the beurocratic chain of command decreed important and effective by all governing bodies of the corporate realm (kind of like the Military or the Catholic Church, No?). Freethinking is considered a waste of company time and money.

ITS FUCKING BORING, OKAY!?

And now the questions:

Does it pay? Unfortunately, yes.
What matters more? Getting the job done? or following process even to an end of pissing off clientele?
Why is it my responsibility to spend hours a day sending follow up emails reminding others to fix their own fucking screw ups?
Does retail offer progress to solving pollution?
Poverty?
How about consumption of energy?
Resources?

It is endless and it is nonsense. What I end up doing is some pretty retarded shit let me tell you. Things like designing and constructing dangerous office weapons. Ever hear of the "Oracle"? This one is stellar. Step 1. Take a roll of 2 inch packing tape and wrap a thick rubber band around so that the band stretches the diameter of the roll on both sides. Voilà! Step 2. Now draw a pencil or any long cylindrical object on the band closest to you as the front rests on the forward band just like a bow and arrow. Step 3. Carefully aim at any irritating co-worker and release with the fury of suppressed anger and boredom.

At times I have been known to shrink wrap my IT manager's entire set of office/desk tools i.e. phone (and receiver), keyboard, pencil can (individual pencils as well), even the USB powered mini refrigerator. Oh yeah, also all three cans of pop included in the fridge.

Answering interdepartmental telephone calls is amusing too.
*Ring ring* "Bin Laden's Bomb shop, How can I terrorize you?"
*Ring ring* "Your Mom's fantasy"
*Ring ring* "NO! GO AWAY!"

This list could really go on and on and on...

Similar is the signing of deliveries. Most couriers now have a computerized clipboard device where one signs their life away on an LCD screen. It started with names but the more I signed, the more I realized that they all know who I am and don't give a shit what the signature looks like. Eventually this lead to intentional scribbles that barely look like someone signed. Then those morphed into nothing but a wavy line. Wavy lines eventually gave way to more abstract name signatures like a series of periods or stars. The FedEx driver drew the line when I tried to quickly draw a landscape using a cross-hatching method. "its not that I give a shit, dude. Its just that I have way too many deliveries to afford standing here waiting for you to sign. Why do you do this anyway?" He questioned.
"I don't feel the need to explain my art to you, Stevie." I replied.

Mmm! How about the one where all post-it's in the manager's office are turned upside down? I liked that one.

*sigh*

So, last week I came up with a new one. This was intended to get me into false trouble. Open Text Edit on your Mac, type boss' name, copy and paste ten times, then copy and paste that entire block about twenty more times. The whole process takes about 30 seconds. Now turn up the volume and hit "Start Speaking" in the Edit menu and start working with something else away from your desk. If you're lucky, he'll storm down thinking you're just sitting there hitting a button over and over and the frustration ensues when he reaches your area to find you diligently working whilst pleasantly tolerating the constant computerized repetition of his name. *storms back upstairs* The name speaking went on for about twenty minutes.

I have been sick for three weeks. I have called in a least one of those weeks. I ran out of available sick days in February. They have been docking my check to compensate. Friends suggest it may be stress from work. Others think I don't know how to take care of myself. Needless to say, it is time to leave. The job search has begun and as painful as it is to job search, I think it more painful to try to stay here and continue to attempt reasonable communication with the manager and still even more painful to try to continue pretending that this job is good for me, important to me or stimulates me enough to appreciate it in any way.

*gives finger*

HH

Camera Whoring again

2007-04-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

A very recent pic. Happy HNT

HH

Suggestions

2007-04-24T09:04:00.000-04:00

I went out to karaoke last night with girlbits and a friend named after a deity. We went to a local pub that has been gaining popularity for said karaoke. Vast selection, hilarious prick of a host and of course, beer :)

*sigh*

So, there was a medium sized group of folks off to the side. New regulars. Youngins. Mostly post teens but a few genuine mid twenties in there as well. They were having a great time with the booze. The liked my singing apparently. I started with "Street Spirit by Radiohead. My voice has ben shot for 2 weeks due to illness. Why did I pick THAT song!? It was really hard to control when all my pipes want to do is cough my lungs onto the floor. One guy, who MD suggests may be gay, felt the need to approach me in the washroom to tell me that I sang incredibly. *blushes* "Thank you very much" I replied. *politely exits quickly* I return to my table and continue my beering until its my turn to sing again.

Ænima - Tool was my second choice. Let me start by saying that I especially love this band and their music and lyrics are a primary influence for my late blooming endeavors to be an educated rock singer. I nailed it. I knew it when nearly every person in the bar gave a hoot and a cheer. Wow. Feels good. Certainly that is part of the reason I do this though not entirely.

I walked to the washroom again and when I returned, there was another guy from that group waiting to compliment me on my ability. Such that he said I had a voice similar to Tool's singer. *tries to keep ego from dramatically inflating* Seriously, there isn't much one could say about my singing that is more flattering then that. He seemed very interested in wether I had a band to sing for. "I do" I replied. He asked what we sound like... hrm...

I described to him that the rest of my band is very young and fairly enthusiastic. I described how the back up singer is getting better at guitar, has a phenomenal voice and drive to be on stage. I stated that our new guitarist is competent and can pick up pretty much anything he sets his mind to. I also relayed that our bassist and drummer aren't bad but that we as a band are starting from scratch. As such, they need a metronome. A larger practice space and above all, way more time to practice.

After all this, this guy tells me that I have too much talent to start from the ground. Further he'd like to put me in contact with a metal drummer who according to him, she has stellar timing and can wield a double kicker. He basically told me to fuck off and take anyone with talent with me.

Another thing to consider: By and large, the compliments are offered by strangers. My friends compliment as well of course, but its the strangers that have got me thinking about it this hard. They have nothing to lose by hurting or petting your feelings when it comes to your talents or lack thereof.

Here's the thing. I like the people in my band. Very much. Yet I have argued with the drummer regarding practices and taking this thing seriously. We pretty much dropped it but it wanders the back of my head that I feel there is no time left. If I want this, I have to throw myself into it head first and not look back. I can't wait for others to decide what they want. They don't want me to either. Not if it means feeling pressure instead of getting together to enjoy playing some music. Fair enough. I just don't want to hurt friends. Yet I do want to sing live shows regularly. I want to tour. I want to write lyrics. I want to sing for a great band. I want people to understand my words and think about them. I want them to swim in the music I help make. I want them to love it and want more. And, I won't lie. I want the attention.

Lastly is a brief story that occurred about a year and a half ago. I went with the girlbits to a burlesque show by the Shameless Dames. It was pretty hot despite its budget. What mostly interested me was the singer of the intermission band that took the stage. They were called Church of Robot. A three piece obviously composed of high-school friends. The bassist wasn't great. The keyboardist was also not much. They kept time okay but the music wasn't moving. What blew me away was the energy of the singer. He was all over the stage. A scrawny punky type with a serious set of chops. Very passionate. I recall telling MD on the way home after the show, that if I were a scout or an agent or whatever, I'd have walked up to that singer and told him to come with me. That he had a future as a singer if he wanted it. The only catch is that his band of friends will have to be left behind.

He had what it takes.

Do I? That is the question I ask myself. I could ask MD or her friends or my sister. I wont. I love this enough that I realize the necessity to think for myself for once. I really I try to be humble. Its hard to do when you know you have a talent. I'm definitely not the best singer by far. However, I know I have raw talent that has never been professionally trained and still gets mad compliments and urges to go and go very far. This is something I have always wanted but have mostly been to scared to try.

Ahhh. Friday Foe-Twenny.

2007-04-20T09:43:00.000-04:00

I have been sick for 9 days now. It sucks ass lemme tell ya. 11 days ago, my 6 year old stepdaughter fell of the bed and split her wee head open on a coffee mug. I wasn't there at the time but apparently there was lots of blood. Enough to warrant a trip to the children's hospital for sutures. Poor kid! However, advanced medicine being what it is, all they did was glue her head shut and braid her hair over it to hold it all together. Done... Neat. Unfortunately, advanced medicine being what it also is, she brought home a flu bug in her poor little guts. It reeked moderate havoc on her tummy before infecting me. What makes this worse is the night I woke with a fever and alarming stomach pains, I had left work a few minutes early that day because over the corse of just 90 minutes, I could feel a hurricane force head cold coming on and I knew I didn't have a lot of time to get home.

Hybrid illness. Splendid. I caught that flu bug in spades. I'll spare you all which part of my body is most exhausted from the effort. Nights were the worst. I couldn't sleep because I was convulsing so hard with a fever. Mightydoll, sweetheart that she is, fetched water and ibuprofen. She lost a lot of sleep those nights as well. Something about a vibrating bed prevented her from comfortable slumber.

As if my body wasn't shitty enough, I missed 4 days of work and three proposed band practices. Fuck. I really wanted to go to band practice. I seem to be coming around again. This is good. Going to go to the bar tonight and see what I can see.

Happy 420 all.

In the Way

2007-04-10T09:30:00.000-04:00

Work has always been. This time it is different. I have actually found something I am passionate about. For once in my silly little life I realize a passion for singing. Allow me to expound. I started a band with some folks from work. A rock band to be more precise. I had an idea of how fun it would be for about 12 years. That's when I wish I had started. I was quite wrapped up in pleasing my parents with stable aspirations such as graphic design and other artistic pursuits but had never felt driven. We yeah, I had but it was the sort where I was driven to maintain a home and a means to feed myself. Yet I never felt a need to strive for it. Like an itch to scratch. It has never happened before. That is, until now. I realized that holding down a bunk job is easy to do. I hate it most of the time so I needed to find something else to do. I kept searching in practical paths. Nothing. No feeling of joy. No aptitude to encourage me. I have felt like I have nothing to offer.

Music has been there like a soundtrack to my life every step of the way. It finds me and fills me with such vitality when I hear something incredible. It moves my emotions. At times it speaks so clearly to me that I feel as if it is something tangible. Like I can swim in it. While I have known that I have an excellent untrained voice, I never knew that I could be putting it somewhere that would bring such satisfaction and fulfillment. So, a band. Buzz Kill Bill is the current name though I doubt it will stick. We are as amateur as we can be but you gotta start somewhere right? We mostly do covers so far but we have begun writing about three songs. It is wildly fun. Also, to break the shakes of nervousness when singing in front of others, I have taken quite a liking to going out for karaoke. Last week was the first time that Mightydoll had ever really heard me sing with any real effort. She found it quite sexy :D Anyway, the gist is I finally found something to busy myself that makes me very happy.

"Today is the Greatest..."

2007-04-04T07:08:00.000-04:00

On this day, I will join my ex-wife at a small court office to make legal and permanent our separation. This last dangling thread keeping us in communication with each other will now be severed. This idea I was initially scared and sad about when we first separated is now worth much more in the way of celebration and rejoice.

Goodbye forever, AAC.

"If you walk away I'll walk away
first tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing somday
so you walk that way I'll walk this way..." Land Locked Blues - Bright Eyes

"And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
Ill be very sweet very patient and forgiving
(now get off my side of the state)

And if we should meet one another in passing
Despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding
(there must be some kind of mistake)

We'll raise high our white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican
We'll call it even..." Truce - Dresden Dolls

Right. They're really streching here...

2007-04-03T20:39:00.000-04:00

Go to Hell Monday - Issue #1: Jägermeister is not my friend...

2007-04-02T09:21:00.000-04:00

So this is me all kinds of delighted to go to work with a 4 alarm hangover to find that I have no network of any kind. Internet, email and our Inventory/Point of Sale programs are right fuct.

This has been a rather stress free way to recover from copious amounts of Jager.

I stopped at a bakery on the way to work (which I was strangely on time for) and scored the 3 giant croissants for $0.99. Hence the flattering pictures of me chewing. I have to say that the most disappointing thing about this morning is that I have learned that there is NOTHING that can cover Jager breath. Toothpaste, Listerine, all of those efforts were futile.

Resurfacing

2007-03-30T10:48:00.000-04:00

Its been a long while. I needed a break from the posting thing because I was dedicating way too much time to correspondence. To posting. To telling stories about my everyday life that which was going nowhere in terms of what I wanted. Stories of want rather than have done. Think of it as a 'shit or get off the pot' kind of thing. I was looking for ways to change my life while repeating the same routine. I also felt constantly obligated to keep checking the comment sections of others to see if they responded so they wouldn't feel forgotten... or forcing myself to drag my eyes through posts that don't interest me simply so I could make an educated comment so that they would read my posts.

I'm such a whore for attention its silly. Without an audience I feel no need to write. I'm trying not to give a shit about that anymore.

I have updated the songs on the side bar too. Check them out :)

Changes. And there have been many and there are still many to go. First and most importantly to me, I have moved in with my long time girlfriend, Mightydoll. She and I now share a 2 bedroom apartment and are also sharing the responsibility of her children with her ex-husband rather peacefully. I have not always been certain to her in my plans but I am now and intend to remain that way. She has become my best friend and I want to share my life with her. It fills my chest with joy to know that she wishes the same. Her dog and my cat live not in harmony but definitely in peace. I have a thing about vanishing from places. It is a rather romantic idea to me. She has a goal to vanish to Ireland for a few months. Know what? She wants me to go too!! We can wander off together into the elsewhere for a while. I really like that dream. I believe we are planning for this in the future but I don't know when. I will bring my laptop, ipod, camera and clothes. Nothing else.

Imagine. Ireland. I can't do it. I've never been to Europe. In fact, I have only just left the North American continent for the first time last week. My physical experience of this supposedly tiny world is rather limited as of yet. Anyway,...

I love you very much, Mightydoll. You are my friend. My lover. My reflection. My voice of reason. And best of all, simply yourself. Thank you.

Love,
Hubris

Rich arrogant people suck

2007-03-29T15:36:00.000-04:00

Your wealth doesn't make you this way so its nothing against your income. Which is more than I can say for your point of view.

Seriously. You don't like my income? That we can afford to live here? My girlfriend's clothes? Her hyper dog you seem to think is a pit bull because you're too self-rightious to read a fucking book of breeds? Her children's clothes? Them being home because you're to arrogant to realize they aren't poorly cared for but rather their school starts at 12:30 because THEY'RE ONLY FIVE YEARS OLD!?

Fuck you. I hope you choke. I'm serious. Please kill yourself. Do it before you procreate.

YOU'RE the fuckass in the Mercedes who nearly hits me on the way to work because you don't even realize that cyclists exist.

YOU'RE the selfish bitch who blows money on expensive makeup and TV's and then complains about the homeless.

YOU'RE the lemming watching TV news believing everything it tells you.

YOU'RE the reason your child arms himself to the teeth to visit his teachers and peers.

YOU'RE the problem with pit bulls, not the pit bulls.

YOU'RE who I see when I am fed up with weaving through your polluting traffic like you're nothing but brainless cattle.

YOU'RE the customer who knows they are wrong but insists on being coddled because you spend so much at a given establishment.

YOU'RE the reason so many highly educated professional immigrants are working their asses off in your service industry.

Do I think I am better than you? I fucking do now.

oh yeah, one more thing.

When the revolution comes, when you are alone at the top behind your security gates in your million dollar home, when the gap between yourself and the rest of the classes has gotten too wide to measure, when your economy comes crashing down to respect the other sway of the pendulum, I will be there.

I will watch it burn. I will watch it crumble. I will watch you break with tears of desparation. My family and I will give you shelter and food as we feed on and devour all that used to be yours.

Its time to evolve.

www.lost.eu/ecbf

2006-12-10T19:14:00.000-05:00

Like games?

Play. love Hubris

Stinky Drips Part 4

2006-11-26T18:44:00.000-05:00

*Hubris walks out onto his balcony, looks up, sees nothing but cleanliness and smells nothing but Toronto's semi clean air. He sighs a great sigh*

Thank You.

The American in Me

2006-11-18T20:58:00.000-05:00

Because there really is some kicking around in there.
I find it weird how one can change so much from where they started and yet still be attracted by those parts of early life. Fighter jets for example. I used to be totally enthralled with everything about them when I was a child. I wanted to fly them. Use them like a roller coaster. Flying around the world to support the noble decisions of the United States Government. Quite a lot is different now that I am conscious of the reality of war - or worse, a career in operating a machine of war.

For me, firearms are no different than those jets. They look neat. I find them fun to use for the practice of sharpshooting. But they are very powerful. Not like the varying power that spews forth from the different types of weapons, but rather the kind of power something retains on its own - without human contact. Like fire. Or the oceans. A power that must be inherently respected. I do not believe in aiming such power at people. I know many people feel otherwise and thereby decreasing my life expectancy for such situations but honestly, I just might rather die than face a time when I steal the life from another human - bad or good. I see no justification. Only extermination.

Hunting for food is okay with me. For the record. Michigan's dept. of natural resources is fairly reasonable about animal hunting and population control.

Anyway... Shooting. Tons of Americans love to shoot things. Its a hobby. Some of the more decent folks out there prefer inanimate objects as there target. Like me :) And like my oldest niece. She's only 17 years old but good christ, can she work a 12 gauge. Check this shit out (said the proud uncle)

Don't ask about the Star of David around her neck. It is strictly ornamental. Dangerous looking no? I'd cast her in an action movie for sure.

2006-11-16T19:16:00.000-05:00

When I got home today, I looked out my windows to see nothing. Void. White noise. I knew that nearly the entire city can be seen and yet it isn't there. My outside world has become something of an ambient radio show about the city. This is an unexpected occurrence. Not because I can't grasp the concept of zero visibility when there is this much moisture in the air, but I simply never thought about it before from up here. The most interesting thing about it is its beauty.

It makes me want to hear nothing just for a while again. Pure silence. When was the last time you heard nothing?

33

2006-11-10T22:26:00.000-05:00

(Chapter One)

Have you ever started your day dreaming about work? You go to bed right on time most nights thinking you're being responsible for yourself. Seven hours at least. That's not too bad is it? Sleep well. All except for that last part where you drag yourself out of bed, to bathe, to transit, to work. Right as you get to the door, on time and clean, you snap out of slumber by the sound of your alarm nailing its way into your skull. It was a fucking dream. You now have to do this twice in a row on the same day. Its not even worth bitching out loud to yourself about it. You just fall from bed with a groan.

So that one could be at least two or three times in a lunar cycle. What about the others? Are there others? Times when you wake up late because seconds ago, some man in a business suit wearing his face upside down informs you that you accidentally shut off your snooze three hours ago. Just try to explain that when you finally get to work. How about the one where you come out of the subway to find everyone on the street floating along and dragging the tips of their toes? Or another when you were a teacher with a class of noisy disobedient children and they all had wheels instead of hands and feet. You order them for the last time to quite down before someone gets shot right as you get hit in the face with a spitball. Impatiently, you lower the barrel of a pistol grip shotgun and go to work causing the kids to scream far louder as their wheeled extremities clumsily roll, slip, slide and topple onto each other trying to escape the massacre.

There really are people out there like this. No rest. Like every dream you have ever had felt like a highly distorted state of full consciousness. Like your body literally cannot register that sleep and rest happened the night before. Technically never sleeping. Just slowly dwindling and fading that (usually) hard line between reality and subconscious fiction. It can drive one to desperate measures for sure. It can write volumes of terror for the one afflicted. This is just such a tale. Well, not a tale so much as an account of what took place in our subject's head. It isn't even fair to call it fiction. It is as real to him as the waking world. Jerome Trendt. That was his name. He moved in down the hall three moths ago. He was a virtually a drone in the customer service department of a large bank in the financial district. Six days a week. Fifteen smoke breaks per day, along with four hundred telephone calls and three thousand emails. It seemed ridiculously unfair to him to be expected to put up with the mundane life that awaited him at work after traveling the wildest corners of his imagination. You see, for him, it wasn't the subconscious he feared. It was his own imagination. Creativity for good but mostly ill ran rampant through Jerome's sleep and any attempts cause a change toward a healthier slumber were barely effective if at all.

How long would you give yourself? Months? Years?

Masks

2006-11-08T18:44:00.000-05:00

Many more to come...

no current works or rants to speak of at this time.

Thanks for watching

Happy Halloween HNT

2006-11-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

So I like to make masks all of a sudden. This is the second one I have made & I now plan to make many others over the years. Maybe even once per year.

Maybe not.. I have a fun idea...

HHHNT

Woops, where'd I go?

2006-10-29T20:59:00.001-05:00

It all started with a trip down to Washington DC about 10 days ago... That's when I left for a 4 day blogger hiatus.

Crickets say, *chirp chirp*

Its not that I forgot to come back. It is just that I am willing to bet that my few readers would prefer that I actually put forth some thought rather than just puke up any clever thing I can find.

I do however owe y'all an apology for not replying to your comments. I'm sorry. They were all read and loved but I simply didn't have anything to say. After the trip, I got home and buckled down to a very busy week. Every day after work there was... uh... hrm. There was something I'm sure. *drums fingers* Well, whatever it was I'm sure I had good reasons for doing it instead of blogging. Like sleeping. I experienced incredible fatigue during the four days that I traveled. Then it doubled in the days after. There was also much vegging out with MD and watching the 4th season of Buffy. Perhaps it is that I would prefer to say different things than talk about my life lately. Unfortunately, there are no works ready for exposure so as to fulfill my wishes. I have a few written works in progress. That is all.

sass dot

Then again, sometimes I witness things that I'm certain you kind peeps will find as crazy as I did. I do my best to recall such things because I love to hear what you say and then I get the bug to chat with you again. Do you see how I have this full circle of inconsistency? It isn't intentional, I assure you. It cuts into many facets of my life and its frustrating. Yet sometimes its both fun and productive to be that manic. Like right now. In fact, it is that constant traversing of activity that is largely responsible for nearly every hiatus I have had-blogging or other hobbies as well, really. I'd like to write these posts regularly. Daily even, but often I loop around and its easier for me to talk. Wait a week later and all my best words are falling from my fingers onto these keys again. Then a term of nothing but work sleep and feed.

sass dot

Let me just take a second to thank MD whole-heartedly. I now grok the comfort of spending my evening about my house in my birthday suit. You taught me that :) Thanks babe.

sass dot

Speaking of finding crazy things, I had the privilege of taking an in depth tour of Air Force One while I visited DC. It was parked in its hangar at the time. It was fascinating, inspiring, garish and fearsome. You would not believe the conspicuous consumption. I noted the board game of Risk in the closet of the conference room on the plane. Very funny. What else... Hmm. Got to see the cockpit. Jet-head that I am, I've never seen one in person before. The size of this fucking plane...

Ooh! The whole damn thing is regularly polished by all ranks of those who support its existence. It is certainly very shiny.

The press has to pay to fly on it, rather than the taxpayers footing the bill. It is the only ticket more expensive than commercial first class short of buying your own private passage.

There are at least 85 telephones on the plane.

I was curious about a device I noticed on the aircraft and upon enquiring I was simply told, "Don't worry about it."

I sat in the Dude's office chair on the plane as well (email me to learn more about this experience).

"Knock, knock."
'Whose there?'
"Titanium"
'Titanium who?'
"Titanium lamps on this plane."

Wanna here another one?

I saw the escape pod. Its right on the deck below the arsenal. Just like in the movie "Air Force One".

Okay, one more. Geez- tough crowd!

So I walk into Air Force One and I note the wood veneer paneling that lines the outer walls inside the plane bears wood grain that looks as though it was all cut from the same tree. There are cupboards and closet faces to match. They all run together seamlessly. Attention to the smallest details. Oh! You dented or scratched the panel? Not to worry! *Calls Boeing* Yeah guys, I need a replacement panel J-13 installed ASAP. An exact replica will have been installed and you won't have known the difference. Right down to the matching wood grain as if it were from the same tree.

Guess which 2 of these 3 jokes are true.

At the end of the tour, I walk toward the exit of the building through a long hallway. It was flanked on both sides in its entire length with photographs that were taken on the President's plane since planes were first given to US Presidents. They were all there. Some later photos had as many as three ex-prez's on the plane together with the current model. They were en-route to a King's funeral ceremony. There was also, of course, the one of LB Johnson being sworn in while Jackie witnessed shortly after Kennedy was shot. Another of General Swartzkoff conferring with Bush Sr. over a foreign map. It was these photos that rendered the tour unsettling. It was as if I could actually feel the power emanating from these pictures. All Presidents. All men. All white. All powerful.

sass dot

The sky is overcast here tonight but the clouds' high ceiling bounces all the city's lights back down and I can see everything terrestrial. I really did rent this place for the view and it is worth it for that alone. The living space made it all but perfect. Yup. All except for that nice Catholic guy and his daily blessing of canine urine upon by balcony. That son of a bitch is lucky it has been rainy and cold as fuck. If it weren't for that, I'd care far more about the problem. Still, should the snow come, I'll photograph the yellow parts and ship them off to the department of health. Whatever. It isn't like I sleep out there.

The winds are very very strong out there tonight. It blasts the side of my building and I wonder how much wind is needed to crack and break rusty railings...

sass dot

Oh! Here's a life experience point that I don't think I needed: I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work earlier this week. Know what? It sucked. The cab didn't signal that he was going to pull over so his fare could get out. They were just stopped at an intersection like everyone else when the car door opened into my bike lane. The kid didn't even look. About three more inches and I'd have cleared it and continued on but no. I was going fast so I hit it very hard. The door buried its outer reaches into my thigh muscles and I ricochet off into the curb smacking down with many parts getting squashed and my head landed directly between 2 sign posts mounted in the cement. I was instantly crazy with rage. I was really hurt but adrenaline took over and I whipped up to my feet and shouting, demanded that the passenger come out of the car (he had shut it after realizing what he had done). I screamed, "GET OUT HERE NOW YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCKING PRICK!" By this time, the cabbie and two other motorists were at the back window on my behalf cutting a scared 12 year old boy down to size. He was coaxed from the car balling his eyes out and I continued, "YOU HAVE TO CHECK EVERY TIME! E V E R Y FUCKING TIME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?" His eyes reflected watery fear as he nodded.

Yes I know he's only 12 and I do feel bad for being hard on him but here's the deal. 1. I know damn well I'm not going to hit him. Not even if he were an adult. 2. At that time, fear was my best option to use to drill this very important safety tip deep into his memory. "you have to check every single time" was repeated by me at least thrice.

The cabbie should have pulled over for sure but the kid was riding with an adult, maybe an older brother, and I suppose he didn't because the kid was just popping out at the light to dart off to the school across the street. Makes sense but its still illegal as hell. They can lose their license for that shit. I walked away from the ordeal. Minimal insignificant damage to my bike, but I was sent home early from work because it was very hard to walk and we had no ice other than the emergency ice packs in the medicine cabinet. It needed to be elevated and iced rather than walking on it. This was about 4 days ago now. Since then I have discovered many more bruises. They all hurt. They're all pretty colours. The biggest of which is the one on my thigh. It starts to my knee and curves around in and then back out, nearly to the top of my leg. A full 12 inches of delightful hematoma.

I was very lucky. And I love my life.

sass dot

Perhaps I should try to like the idea of posting twice per week instead of 7 times...

sass dot

Remember in the first paragraph when I said, "That is all"? Uh-huh. That was supposed to be the end of this post and I was going to return to my solitary evening. Let's try that again.

I missed you guys.
That is all.

Stinky fucking Drips of fucking fuck Piece of shit part 3 prickface

2006-10-17T20:48:00.000-04:00

To: Property Manager

From: Hubris Humility, #30XX

Re: Public health problem! at #31XX

I moved into this unit at the beginning of September. Since I moved in I could smell urine on my balcony. After a few weeks I found out that my neighbor above me in unit 31XX allows his dog to pee out on their balcony EVERYDAY! It falls onto my balcony everyday as well! This is unhealthy and incredibly disgusting! They have tried hardly at all to contain this mess. They shove paper towel in the crack at the edge of the cement. it doesn't work. I have taken the initiative to confront them peacefully on two occasions now. Both times I express the problem and my anger about it. They seem apologetic and concerned to my face but when I express that this needs to stop or how to dispose of their pet's waste properly, nothing ever happens. They do not clean up after the dog. It is not a small breed either, so the amount of urine and stench is considerable. This makes me blind with rage the more it happens and I demand that a solution to this public health problem be found. This absolutely will not be tolerated. This is a HUGE disrespect to my home. I too own a dog. Every time she needs to go, I take her ALL the way down to the grass outside EVERY TIME! I expect the same from the resident of #31XX. If they cannot abide then they should not be allowed to own a pet here. Certainly not at the expense of my health and the health of those who come to my home. Please aid in the stopping of this grotesque activity at your earliest possible opportunity. You can reach me at my cell any time.

XXX-XXX-FUCT

You can also arrange to go to my balcony to smell and see evidence of this claim. I have also taken pictures with a digital camera. Please provide an email address if you wish to have them sent to you. Again, please help as soon as possible.

Hubris Humility - #30XX

Huh....

2006-10-16T07:48:00.000-04:00

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Claire Danes

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

You May Be Pregnant

Yup, you could be preggars! See a doctor to confirm, okay?

Are You Pregnant?

You Are Cherry Kiss Lip Gloss

You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on.
You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals.

Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have.
No wonder Cherry your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

Your Toes Should Be Black

A total rulebreaker (and heartbreaker), you're always a little punk rock.

Your flirting style: Wacky and a bit shocking

Your ideal guy: An accomplished artist, musician, or writer

Stay away from: Preppy guys looking for a quick bad girl fling

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

Freakish HNT

2006-10-12T07:45:00.000-04:00

This one is for LSD

I long to hear your laugh

2006-10-09T14:11:00.000-04:00

So, today the Dingo was inside playing with a ball of hers. Rolling it about my apartment and chasing it lightly. She then lay down to chew on it but found that when she'd lick it, her tongue would get caught by suction in the swiss cheese like craters in the ball. She really had to yank it to release the suction, creating a slow hiss that climaxed with a popping noise. This dog is funny as shit.

I miss MD...

Stinky Drips Part 2

2006-10-06T07:35:00.001-04:00

And can I just say, that the simple fact that there even has to be a part 2 to this seeping, smelling urine soaked story, leaves me with a far more pure version of anger than I had expressed before. I feel overcome with the power of hate that so many evil villains have used to no avail in the past.

Drips of piss started again just last night. Now, any of you that have met me in person know that most of the time I am a very reasonable man. Silly? yes. Dorky? you bet. Last night was different. I marched upstairs and knocked on their door for 15 minutes. No answer. I hear the dog barking. I wish I could kill it. I thought I heard someone telling the dog to shut up but I'm not sure. After banging so loud & long on their door, their neighbor comes into the hall to inquire what all the noise is about. I took a deep breath and laid out the situation briefly. "Oh. Sorry about the noise, man. Its just that their dog keeps pissing on their balcony and it drips down to mine." I said dryly.
"By all means, keep pounding." he replied.
*resumes pounding*
Still no answer. I was sure someone was home so before I left, I opened their mail slot and shouted, "I'm going to the Superintendent! This is BULLSHIT!!"
I returned to my balcony to see what I could do from my side. That was when I found paper towel crammed in the crack just as I did before. Now, this time, gazing at that urine soaked tissue gave me a wildly good idea. And by good I mean satisfying to me. I grabbed a coat hanger and bent the wire until I had a long skinny hook. I took it to my balcony and began to claw and dig at the tissue until I had recovered as much as I could. Thankfully, it was still nice and juicy from the dog's last visit to the bathroom. I marched that huge wad of piss-fiber up to their floor and shoved it into their mail slot. Motherfucker.
The next morning promptly at the ridiculous time of 7:00 am, I went back upstairs to see if I could get someone to answer the door. This time the man was home. *evil grin* "Good morning!"
"Hi. Did you leave this in here last night!?" he said as he held up a baggy with the piss tissues.
"Absolutely. And why shouldn't I? It belongs to you. Get your shoes and follow me to my balcony." I replied.
"Now?"
"Now."
I managed to coax him down to my house by promising no harm. Okay, now that was just fun. I don't get to play the strong one in potentially violent scenes. Really, I'm a passive person, but apparently some are more passive than I. So be it. It beats being at the bottom of the food chain. I took him to my balcony and pointed to where I retrieved the pisscloths. He was mortified to learn that they really were his pisscloths. "Do you think I pissed on it myself and THEN put it in your mail slot?!" I was starting to boil again.
"Not anymore..." he said looking at the floor. "What can I do? I replaced the pads and replaced the sheet and-" I interrupted, "Whatever efforts you've been making thus far, thanks, but no thanks. They obviously aren't working. You need a new plan because honestly? This is no different than someone coming to pee in YOUR living room! Is that what I need to do to get through to you? This has to stop! This is making me absolutely crazy! I'm furious with you. I hate your dog. And if you can't figure out a solution, I will. Get it!?"
"Yes. I get it. What would you do?" he said quietly.
"I'd do what I already do. I'd take my ass down 30 floors and let my dog out into the yard where creatures with four legs are supposed to deposit their waste! Look man, I don't care how much plastic or whatever you have to buy to prevent this problem from recurring. Its not my problem. Do it NOW! If you don't, it can create a new and bigger problem for you called 'keeping your dog'. Now please leave."
He left silently.

NOTE:
And for the record, I do not think that I am being too hard on him. There is a reason humans designed toilets. If I recall correctly, it is because we learned that disposing of our waste was far healthier than leaving it wherever it may have fallen. Clean up after your dog or I am going to pursue the removal of your dog from the building. *gives finger*

to be continued...

Happy HNT

2006-10-05T21:47:00.000-04:00

"Grendel look. A lens..."

Stay

2006-10-03T08:06:00.000-04:00

After two years of complaints regarding a lack of space and manpower, my place of employment is finally making some very positive changes. For one? A hiring blitz. Very necessary due to the fact that our company has grown every year for the last seven or eight. That is, grown every way except our department which has remained a compliment of at least two even during busy seasons. This ultimately meant there was one of us for every 25 people elsewhere in the building. Can we say swamped? So I was at my wits end. Now?

Promoted to lower management and given freedom to govern junior staff. This new responsibility carried with it a very respectable compensation increase :D

Also? A totally new POS system will be in place soon! This hopefully means far greater inventory accuracy on our systems.

That was close. But now they have made changes that are very encouraging and progressive.

Thanks company.

HAPPY HUBRIS

time to go to work bitches.

9/23/6 was not postponed due to terrorism.

2006-10-01T08:38:00.000-04:00

Unlike 9/11/1 which was the last time I went to see Tool. Back then the local government held it up for two days. Something about 14,000 people being in one room made them nervous as fuck. But wow. If I could only express the sheer magic of that show 5 years ago. Nothing has come close since. Not even Tool. Don't get me wrong though, Tool is 1, still one of my favorites and 2, still a fabulous show to see. Its just that the tour that followed their 'Lateralus' album rendered the most stunning audio and visual experience I've ever had. This comes from a kid who's first concert ever was Pink Floyd's last tour together. Are you starting to see my expectations for the shows I go see? I knew damn well that seeing Tool this time around wouldn't top five years ago. What made this show great for me this time was being able to bring my sister, niece, Othercat and Sass along for the fun. OC was due for a good heavy show. That wonderful man has been the sole bringer of decent jazz into my life. Sass had to be brought for mostly the same reasons (read: we had to permeate her mind with the good word of Toolism). Same with my niece. ...And this was the second show that my sister and I got to see together and she was equally geeked as I. There was much shouting.

Ya know, I've heard it said that Tool fans are almost as annoying as Grateful Dead fans. *sigh* that's fair, I guess.

So before the show, I was online checking out reviews and set lists from previous shows in this tour and was really disappointed to find very little of what I wanted to hear. I didn't see any of the long prog songs at all. So below is the list from the show we saw. Happy faces mark the songs I was surprised to hear after all :D

Stinkfist
The Pot
Forty-six and 2
Lost Keys (Blame Hofmann)/Rosetta Stoned :D:D:D
Jambi
Schism
Wings for Marie (Pt. 1) :D:D:D:D
10,000 Days (wings Pt. 2) :D:D:D:D:D holy fuck dude. what a ride.
Lateralus
Vicarious
Ænema

All were fun. But those were special and I was floored.
Ooh! and the walls and floors of the stage was all light or screen...

So the answer to your question, LSD, is yes. They still have it.

Stinky Drips

2006-09-26T17:38:00.000-04:00

So the first time that Sass comes over to my new place I of course go to show her the balcony. She steps out & says, "Wow!" "Yeah nice view, eh?" I replied. "No. I mean, yeah, but wow is about the overpowering stench of urine." She was right. I had smelled it before. So what the fuck? Its not the pigeons. This is that part where I start realizing that this has come full circle. With my last apartment it was the urine soaked carpeting. Now its my balcony. I just can't win.

Wait. Yeah, I did.

I found urine soaked paper towels crammed into the crack on the ceiling of my balcony which leads to the balcony above. Those motherfuckers have been letting their dog pee on the balcony so they don't have to walk down 31 flights of steps. *Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil, Boil* So Sass is all, "Soak you balcony with bleach first before you accuse just to be sure." "K"

The very next night, I was sitting quietly by my window in my living room. As I sat I started to hear an intermittent drip. The drip increased a couple times and then slowed again. *BITCH* I took a deep breath. I threw clothes on and took 2 more deep breaths. By the time I was upstairs I wasn't any more calm but I approached their door all the same. I was nervous, shaking and most of all, extremely pissed off. Take the pun if you want it. I was nervous because I wasn't sure if the upstairs neighbours were some group of assholes raising fighting dogs or some shit. You just never know when you approach a neighbour with a problem before you actually meet them.

Oh how delighted I was to get to their door and find and ad for whatever Catholic group they were a part of taped to it. My nervousness immediately left and pure rage returned. It was a sublime thing to feel a very fast and confident tongue lashing coming on. This was either going to be really fun or really productive, I wasn't sure which. A man answers and I promptly begin, "Hi. I'm your new neighbour downstairs-how are you tonight? *no pause given* That's great. Listen. I have a very serious problem involving you and your dog."
"Oh! My Dog? Wha-"
"Glad you asked" I motored. "I was just enjoying a cup of coffee on my balcony and fucking dog piss started draining down from your balcony just about 5 minutes ago. Now. You look confused because you either didn't think it would drain down in accordance with the laws of gravity OR you actually have the gall to play dumb. I'm betting on the first of those two because you have gone to the half-assed lengths of trying to stop this by shoving paper towel in the crack at the end of your balcony thinking that it will suffice. I'm here to tell you loudly it will not. It is ENTIRELY unacceptable! It is careless. It is rude. It is VERY unsanitary and worst of all, it is causing a miserable stench on a piece of my home."
His wife appears behind him and meekly says, "No trouble please!"
"Ma'am I can assure you there will be no trouble and just in case you are wondering how you can help facilitate this goal for a 'no trouble' policy between us, here is the only solution to which I will relent. I do understand that it is far easier to have the dog go on the balcony. So follow these directions closely.
FIRST. Go to Canadian Tire and purchase a box of large sized garbage bags and a case of puppy training pads. Do you know what I am talking about?"
They nod.
"You are s u r e?"
They nod again.
"Good.
SECOND. bring your new products to the balcony with packing tape and a pair of scissors. Take the scissors and cut along two of the garbage bag seams to create a large plastic panel. Do you know what I mean?"
They keep nodding.
"Good.
THIRD. Tape 2 or 3 panels of plastic to the metal back of your balcony rail. Weigh down the other sides with plants or whatever you have.
FOURTH. Place puppy training pads on plastic when you take the dog out. When the dog is finished, PICK UP THE PAD AND THROW IT AWAY EVERY SINGLE TIME. Do you know what I am talking about?"
Nod.
"Good. This is the only way you can successfully solve this problem and as an added bonus, following these directions closely will result in seeing far less of me and far less rage within me. Understood?"
They apologize profusely and acknowledge understanding.
"Good night"
*Hubris walks away grinning*

The smell and paper towels were gone within 8 hours.

Shelf Life in the Beehive

2006-09-21T10:45:00.000-04:00

The header is to be replaced with something cooler but until I get it, ya'll will just have to suck it up :)

A new place. A place for everything. I was made aware by Sass that this is the first apartment I have ever been excited about. Its exciting because I finally got to figure out just where do I want to live anyway? I like high places. Othercat has an 11th floor place that is pretty cool. Way more than I can afford though. I still have to slum it. Which is totally fine with me btw. So it turns out that the slums has just such a place for me. The best part is that the apartment was vacant for so long that they had to refurbish it. New wood floors, paint, bathroom sink & 2 new kitchen appliances. Result, an awesome apartment in a crummy neighborhood for a good price. My particular drawer in this giant bee hive is on the 30th floor. Kindly notice, in the header for my new blog, how I can see ummm.... EVERYTHING! The city I love, its lake further south and on the other side, yup. That's St. Catherines and Niagara Falls.

Here's another. A shot of Parliament St. Southbound. Its from my new toy & clearly, it works much better with close ups.

Its a web cam :)

Ahhh. There we are. Lofty. I like it up here. Ya know why cats choose the highest positions? Because they're fucking cool! Seriously, why wouldn't one want to have coffee while staring at this view!?

So the deal with the new look is this. My first blog ever was the raw black template with no frills. It was a dark and horrifying diary of the destruction of my previous life. "The man who haunts my mirror" After using it to purge a great deal of toxicity and pain, it was time to begin to heal. "Waking From A Coma" was born. It has evolved over the last year from being a tool of recovery and therapy to a forum for my art and thoughts for those who find it interesting or of any value. Unfortunately, it will never be free of the bind of that which I have all but let go. The time for the final stages are at hand. Anne and I are going to settle this fairly once & for all.

I'm prepared. As such, I felt the need for a new beginning in my mind which incedentally is usually smeared all over my posts. A reptile shedding dead skin. But not cold-blooded. I have a heat rock :)

So this is my new home, everyone. Come in. Make yourselves comfortable.
*packs bowl*
Let's go sit on the balcony.